tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82741838589732281342024-03-19T06:07:48.794-07:00Zané Sachs-Going DownOn Sale Now: Sadie the Sadist (X-tremely Black Humor/Horror) and Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers (a Sadie Novella)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-56653958581246667162016-08-12T08:42:00.000-07:002016-08-12T08:42:33.564-07:00Become a Robot Before One Replaces You - Advice from Sadie the Sadist<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Get Ready to be Dumped</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie the Sadist knows all about competing with robots and automated systems in the workplace ... </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Your New Coworker</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie's advice: transform before you lose your job! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Don't believe her?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666;">Check out this article from </span><i><span style="color: #e06666;">The Washington Post:</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-brave-new-world-of-robots-and-lost-jobs/2016/08/11/e66a4914-5fff-11e6-af8e-54aa2e849447_story.html?utm_term=.0a861cd692a9" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">The Brave New World of Robots and Lost Jobs</span></a></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666;">And this story on MSNBC: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/how-robots-will-impact-jobs-in-near-future-743136323872" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">How Robots Will Impact Jobs in the Near Future</span></a></span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Normally, Sadie advises killing pesky coworkers, but these come with a warranty and they're replaceable (like you) ... You're best course of action is to upload your brain into a robot body. Ultimately, Sadie intends to become a robot cat.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Sadie as a Robot Cat</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-64620285771123977862016-07-01T13:03:00.000-07:002016-07-01T13:03:05.069-07:00Sadie the Sadist Interviews Heiner Eden of Pulpcore<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="background-color: black; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">5
Question Interview with Heiner Eden</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Heiner Eden, Looking for Escape Route</span></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So … Heiner, thanks for showing up on Zané’s blog. (Of course, you don't have much choice, since I'm holding you captive.) Zan</span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 17.12px;">é</span><span style="background-color: black; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> doesn’t speak much German, so she sent me to ask you <i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">fünf Fragen </span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">(5 Questions)</span>.</span></span><br /><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.12px;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">BTW, <i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Ich spreche kein Deutsch</span></i>, so I’ll be using</span><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> <i><span lang="DE">Google Übersetzer</span></i><span lang="DE"> (</span></span><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Google Translate).</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">This Pulpcore Anthology of yours looks</span><i style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;"> im
Arsch </i><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">(does </span><i style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">im Arsh</i><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> really mean fucked up?) Eighteen
sick stories by eighteen twisted writers (including </span><b style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><i>Blauer Engel</i></b><i style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </i><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">by Zané Sachs), and the anthology is
FREI (FREE)! </span><b style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><i>Genial!</i></b><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> (Awesome!)</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Really Sick Stories</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999;">DOWNLOAD IT</span><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">:</span> </span></span></b><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;"><a href="http://www.pulpcore.de/"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HERE</span></b></a><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></b></span></span><b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #eeeeee;"> </span></span><span lang="DE" style="color: #212121;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.pulpcore.de/"><b><i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">HIER</span></span></i></b></a><b><i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"> HERUNTERLADEN<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></span></div>
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<span lang="DE" style="background-color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You’ve
got to be shitting me, Heiner. Does <b><i>Herunterladen</i></b> mean <b><i>download</i></b>,
or is that really some deviant sexual act? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">You can answer, <i>oder treffen Sie mich später</i><i> </i>(meet me later), but<i> offiziell</i></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> (</span><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">officially) </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">that’s not your first question. </span><i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt;">Okay, hier gehen wir</span></i><i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">here</span></i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;"> (Okay, here we go).</span></span></pre>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt;">SADIE: <i>Frage Nummer
eins</i></span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt;"> <b>(Question
#1): </b></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Okay, you live in
Germany, so you decided to publish Pulpcore in <i>Deutsch</i>. But, isn’t that selfish?
Why not publish in Yupik? A lot of readers in Siberia and Western Alaska are
going to be sadly disappointed. <i>Was zum Teufel<b>?</b></i><i> </i></span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Note: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">How can <i>was zum Teufel</i>
mean <i>what the fuck</i>, when <i>im Arsch</i> means <i>fucked up</i>? <i>Fick Dich </i>(fuck you)<b><i>,</i></b><i> </i>Google Translate.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER<i>: </i></span></b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Ich
muss zu meiner Schande gestehen, dass ich bis vor zehn Minuten keine Ahnung
hatte, was Yupik überhaupt bedeutet. </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">(<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I must confess to my shame that I had no idea until ten
minutes, which means Yupik ever.) <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE: “</span></b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Which means Yupik ever?” Really Google Translate? My German sucks, but I
think Heiner is trying to say that he never heard of Yapik until ten minutes
ago. A sad commentary on the state of post-Brexit Europe (where half the people
in the UK Googled the EU after voting to get out of it—kinda like disgruntled
teenagers slitting their own wrists and then wondering why they’re bleeding)—<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYOVY7jGbqPWpriFIr0eDEjRm3TYyMncoZlB4tBuulUeIfMnfuSplumSHszEAOY0FxMpeVusUbrkNqF9UO2jm11LRGoEWdRbdUkY0A9DMA_FxS9wSAPqI3icp5gBIqaUYJK27ocJrKXuY/s1600/download.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYOVY7jGbqPWpriFIr0eDEjRm3TYyMncoZlB4tBuulUeIfMnfuSplumSHszEAOY0FxMpeVusUbrkNqF9UO2jm11LRGoEWdRbdUkY0A9DMA_FxS9wSAPqI3icp5gBIqaUYJK27ocJrKXuY/s320/download.gif" width="311" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Sadie Says: Use a Chainsaw</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: black; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">… and an indication of
why a <i>fick dick</i> like Donald Trump is
running for U.S. President. I doubt “The Donald” considers Alaska a state, and
I’m pretty sure he lumps native Alaskans in with foreigners. Anyway … back to
Yupik— <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="color: #ea9999;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER:
</span></b><i style="color: #ea9999;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Aber nun, da ich mich
schlau gemacht habe </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">(but now that I have made smart) </span><i style="color: #ea9999;">vielen Dank</i><span style="color: #ea9999;">,</span><span style="color: #cccccc;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.alaskool.org/"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">www.alaskool.org</span></span></a><span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Thanks, Heiner, a most informative site. Come to think of it, Alaska must be a
great place to store bodies, especially in winter. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER:
</span></b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">"<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Es ist Zeit, Robbenspeck zu holen!",
oder "Uqicitaaryarnariuq!", wie wir es in Yupik sagen</span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">.</span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">
(It's time to bring seal blubber!) or Uqicitaaryarnariuq! (As we
say it in Yupik). Would you loosen these handcuffs.</span></span><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><b>SADIE: NO!</b> But, </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I'm in agreement with you, regarding blubber. I’m sure it's terrific for frying. Currently, I’m working
on a recipe that features deep-fried politicians instead of turkey for Thanksgiving dinner, which
may explain Trump’s popularity in Alaska and the importance of offering a Yupik
edition of <i>Pulpcore</i>. <i><o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER:
</span></b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Ja. Steht eine
Yupik-Version von pulpcore natürlich ganz oben auf meiner To-Do-Liste. Wer
weiß, vielleicht ist das genau die Marktlücke, nach der ich schon mein ganzes
Leben lang gesucht habe. </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I’m
glad to hear <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">a Yupik version of <b><i>Pulpcore</i></b>
is on the top of your to-do list, and that it’s exactly the niche you’ve been longing
for all of your life. </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">That brings me to <b><i>Frage Nummer zwei </i>(Question #2):</b> What is the common </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">thread between these stories?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i><span lang="DE">Süße Romantik? Tiere? Selbsthilfe?</span></i></span><i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></i></span><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">(Sweet romance? </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Animals? Self-help?) Or … </span><i style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">Blut und Verstümmelung,</span></i><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;"><i>Perversion, und Psychokiller? </i></span></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">(Blood, gore and mayhem, perversion, and psycho killers?)</span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Glaub
es oder nicht, Sadie, alle Stories auf pulpcore sind in ihrem Kern romantisch
durch und durch. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">No
kidding? All the stories are romantic? Do you find this a romantic setting?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwAHYUVxhPjwn6FWhsJhCXxNV-R4Lnh4NGPtP01zcReMHov5AYSK6DaejOegc3AFN6W_KspS8d-qz47CmXT3hWW2MQgV6E8j8ZXBFfDu6Uy-zaJpAY3Xsgb4FADNrVOVZxuGXJy3BzdEI/s1600/images+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="379" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwAHYUVxhPjwn6FWhsJhCXxNV-R4Lnh4NGPtP01zcReMHov5AYSK6DaejOegc3AFN6W_KspS8d-qz47CmXT3hWW2MQgV6E8j8ZXBFfDu6Uy-zaJpAY3Xsgb4FADNrVOVZxuGXJy3BzdEI/s400/images+%25281%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Sadie's Living Room</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><b>HEINER: </b></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Klar. Very romantic, Sadie. Manchmal versteckt sich die Romantik hinter einer Wand aus Nebel an düsteren,
unheimlichen Orten; manchmal in fernen Galaxien, weit, weit weg von zuhause;
manchmal (okay, meistens) unter einem Berg aus Blut, Eingeweiden und
abgetrennten Gliedmaßen.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">For
my readers who don’t sprechen German, Heiner says, "S<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">ure, sometimes the romance hidden behind
a wall of dark mist, eerie places, distant galaxies. Sometimes (okay, mostly) under mountains of blood, guts and
severed limbs." </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">That's my kind of romance, Heiner.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">HEINER: </span></span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">Aber die Romantik ist
immer da, irgendwo, sonst würde ich die Stories nicht auf pulpcore
veröffentlichen. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">In other words, without</span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"> romance,
I wouldn’t publish the stories. And if you're honest, Sadie, you have to admit
that you're a hopeless romantic yourself. Am I right? </span></span><span style="color: #ea9999;">Bitte vergib mir
diese schmalzige Anmache<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"> (Please
forgive me for this corny pickup line.)</span><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></span></div>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">SADIE: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I love corny pick-ups, Heiner--especially when they're on the cob.<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Frage
Nummer drei </span></i></b><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">(Question #3): </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">How
did you discover these <b><i>Mutter Fall </i></b>(nut-case) writers? Tell
me about these <b><i>weirdos </i></b>(weirdos).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span></b></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">HEINER:</span></b> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">Die Autoren, die ich bisher via pulpcore kennenlernen durfte, sind </span></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">gar keine "weirdos", sondern ganz normale Typen wie du und ich </span><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">SADIE: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">You’re telling me the authors aren’t weirdos? Just ordinary guys like </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">you and me? First of all, in case you have noticed, I’m not a guy, Heiner.<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">HEINER: </span></b><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">Warum Entpacken Sie Ihre Hosen?<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">SADIE: </span></b><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">I’m unzipping my pants to prove a point—</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">HEINER: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Okay, vielleicht bist du jetzt nicht gerade das beste Beispiel für ganz </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">normal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">SADIE: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">What did you say?<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">HEINER: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I said</span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;">, maybe you're not the best example of normal.</span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Like
you are?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Sie
sind allesamt sehr nett und komplett entspannt. Was überrascht, wenn man
sich ihre Stories auf pulpcore durchliest. Denn die sind zutiefst verstörend
und oft so triefend böse, dass ihre Verfasser eigentlich ins Gefängnis oder ins
Irrenhaus gehören.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span></b></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">SADIE: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I don’t know</span> <i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">was zum Teufel</span></i> (<span style="font-size: 12pt;">what the fuck) you just said, so I used </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Google Translate:<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“</span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;">The writers are all very nice and completely relaxed.” (Yeah, right.) “What surprised </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;">when their stories by reading to <i>Pulpcore.</i> Because they are deeply disturbing and often </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;">so dripping angry that their authors actually belong in prison or the madhouse.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span lang="EN" style="background-color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You’ve got one perverted sense of romance, Heiner.<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;">HEINER: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;">No comment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;">SADIE:</span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Frage Nummer vier </span></i></b><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">(Question #4):</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> You speak <i>ficken<b> </b></i>good <i>Englisch</i> (English). <o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">In fact, you translated that novel by Zané Sachs (based on my life) </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Sadie-X-trem-schwarzer-Horror-German-ebook/dp/B0175CSWXM"><b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Sadie the Sadist</span></i></b></a><b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></i></b></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">X-trem schwarzer Humor+Horror </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">into <i>Deutsche<b> </b></i>(German). I guess Google Translate </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">really came in handy, didn’t it?<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span></span></pre>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJoY_3Bmrb28MNAOd1PVUwHdePdsGUefkTfgLhTCLrK4gl8Okgov8xCijqC5-oXEeXtPzqXR6KJFhyAH6FLhX0A004dL5krXllf41vXd2aFkowXGvcXBTi6VN0rFIeuZlrssUk46E69UY/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJoY_3Bmrb28MNAOd1PVUwHdePdsGUefkTfgLhTCLrK4gl8Okgov8xCijqC5-oXEeXtPzqXR6KJFhyAH6FLhX0A004dL5krXllf41vXd2aFkowXGvcXBTi6VN0rFIeuZlrssUk46E69UY/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">HEINER: </span></b><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">NEIN, bitch!</span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span></span></pre>
<h1 style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 107%;">No need to yell. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">So,
did you translate a lot of these stories from another language?</span></span></span></h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> Erst einmal danke fürs Kompliment. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">You’re
welcome.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Ich
habe sämtliche Stories auf pulpcore aus dem Englischen ins Deutsche übersetzt.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">According
to Google Translate, you just said: I have all stories on pulpcore translated
from English into German … so, I can’t tell if<i> you</i> actually translated them. Do you even speak English … or do
you use Google Translate for everything?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER:</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">
Eigentlich bin ich technischer Übersetzer von Beruf, was wirklich so langweilig
ist, wie es sich anhört. Deshalb wollte ich zu meiner wahren Leidenschaft
wechseln - der Genre-Literatur. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">(Using
Google Translate), you said:</span> <span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Actually, I'm a technical translator
by profession, what is really as boring as it sounds. So I wanted to go to my
true passion—the genre literature. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I get that translating horror and sci-fi stories (or
romance, as you call it) is more interesting than technical writing, but what
do you do for fun? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">HEINER:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Well, my true passion is
to lie on the sofa and watch old episodes of <i>Twilight Zone</i>, but that pays less than my translator job. (Although,
I have to admit, translating genre literature doesn’t bring in much more money
than hanging out on the sofa.) But I prefer translating stories about things
like "body parts and guts, bits of bone and bloody puddles " to
"Blade No.14 can be fabricated integrally with Hub No. 12.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don’t you agree?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">SADIE:
</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">You
are one sick puppy, admit it. And that brings me to:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Frage Nummer </span></i></b><b><i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">fünf </span></i></b><b><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">(Question #5):</span></b><b><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">If you could commit any</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i><span lang="DE">verbrechen oder </span></i></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i><span lang="DE">perverse acto<b> </b></span></i></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">(crime or perverse act) </span><i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">ohne erwischt zu werden</span></i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>oder bestraft</i></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">(</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">without getting caught or being punished) </span><i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">was würden Sie tun?</span></i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">(What would you do?)<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><b><span style="background-color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Note: READERS, what would you do?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">HEINER: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Mal sehen. Kennst du die Szene aus Stephen King's, <i>The Stand</i>, wo der Typ auf </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">das Schlagmal im Yankee-Stadion masturbiert? <o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">SADIE: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Stephen King and masturbation … two of my favorite subjects.<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">HEINER: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">So etwas in der Art könnte ich mir vorstellen. Vielleicht würde ich auch nur auf </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">den Rasen pinkeln. <o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">SADIE: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I think you said, maybe you would masturbate and pee on Yankee Stadium?<o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">HEINER: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Ich bin nicht gerade deviant und ziemlich schüchtern in dieser Hinsicht. Aber </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">wo wir schon einmal dabei sind, Sadie. Zum Schluss verrate ich dir mein liebstes </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">(deutsches) </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Synonym für die männliche Selbstbefriedigung: sich einen von der Palme </span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">wedeln. Choke on that, </span><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Google Translator!</span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">SADIE: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Okay … I used Google Translate, but I really understand is: You’re not shy, and </span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">you like </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">to “wag one of the palm.” And, yeah, I think Google Translate is choking.</span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This has been an enlightening interview. <o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Thanks for stopping by today, Heiner. I'll loosen those handcuffs now. </span><i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">Sie sind ein tapferer </span></i></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">Mann!</span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></pre>
<pre style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
</pre>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-74235496272848952782015-12-03T12:33:00.000-08:002015-12-03T20:43:47.641-08:00Dealing with Difficult Relatives -- Creative Holiday Ideas from Sadie the Sadist<h2>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">If you're like me, no doubt you're thinking ... here it comes again, the dreaded Holiday Season. </span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Fa-la-la-la-la-la </span><b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">F That!</span><span style="color: #38761d;"> </span></b></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2XyiaxfD-inqcyP65FNiL3DhXf4k5dSD7QSf5ge5y70L5tUY_5Bn2VMqB8Se8c-r6SYo_s2UXQeIZECvHCRE-geTAD8RgI660Wr0-mqYlEP-AL4L0kTHf4FpmYdbCoP6GfJLv5sLPlZk/s1600/anniv2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2XyiaxfD-inqcyP65FNiL3DhXf4k5dSD7QSf5ge5y70L5tUY_5Bn2VMqB8Se8c-r6SYo_s2UXQeIZECvHCRE-geTAD8RgI660Wr0-mqYlEP-AL4L0kTHf4FpmYdbCoP6GfJLv5sLPlZk/s400/anniv2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Gathering of Psychopaths</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie the Sadist is here to tell you how to make the most of all those pesky relatives and knock some check marks off your list.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">There's a reason they're called </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="color: red;">BLOOD </b><span style="color: #e06666;">relatives, so re-frame your thinking: Instead of <b>giving </b>those annoying asshats gifts (spending your hard-earned money and waiting for no thanks), after reading this article, chance are you'll look forward to family gatherings. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: large;"><b>Ideas from Sadie the Sadist</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: large;"><b> </b></span></span><b style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">to Jumpstart</span><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></b></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-large;"><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">YOUR</span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"> Creativity</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Aunt Betty:</b> </span><span style="color: #e06666;">Maybe your aunt isn't named Betty, but we all know the type--not only is she opinionated, but she sticks her nose into everybody's business. Basically, Betty is a gossip and a snoop.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The perfect gift for Betty ... (Hint: big mouths have lots of teeth) You got it, <b>Ivory</b>. Sure, elephants are an endangered species, and anyone who takes their tusks deserves to be drawn and quartered or thrown into a vat of boiling oil, but Aunt Betties abound, providing a prolific and cheap source of ivory. </span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Note: If you use violence to knock out Aunt Betty, stay clear of her head; you don't want to damage the merchandise. I recommend using the method Oral surgeons use for impacted Wisdom teeth: knock her out with drugs before extraction.</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">While you're inside the old broad's pie hole (cock pocket, gob, skull cave) yank out her tongue. (Correctly prepared, tongue is tender and tasty.)</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>A Lovely Necklace</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Cousin Dick:</span> </b><span style="color: red;">Maybe you don't see Dick very often, but when you do he leaves a big impression. If Dick doesn't have you cornered in the kitchen, he's down the hall patrolling the bathroom, or even worse, playing hide-and-seek with the kiddos. Dick is never gonna change, but he makes a handy-dandy purse for all his cash. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Gilded for the Holidays</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Sister Selfie:</span> </b><span style="color: red;">Plain annoying. Sister Selfie can't be parted from her phone, and the camera's glued to her duck face, capturing every moment of her useless existence. The world will thank you for saving us from endless Facebook posts when you kill her.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixnL2YoP4ofF6utL80NhHoso_QNw8EjakU3B3Na9AvTIpZ-x7v2KitEOxWunOk10OdpoeL3NCpAnLAZMABS2CQVN2Ny9H8vtYYE3alooVC8bStgeAVByQ7MhmYiVH_PNA3ISQ0wB2r0YE/s1600/download+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixnL2YoP4ofF6utL80NhHoso_QNw8EjakU3B3Na9AvTIpZ-x7v2KitEOxWunOk10OdpoeL3NCpAnLAZMABS2CQVN2Ny9H8vtYYE3alooVC8bStgeAVByQ7MhmYiVH_PNA3ISQ0wB2r0YE/s400/download+%25282%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>R.I.P.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>HAPPY HORRORDAZE!!!</b></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-64801938392619745022015-10-19T10:12:00.001-07:002015-10-19T10:17:58.278-07:00Halloweenies: A Recipe from Sadie the Sadist<h2>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><u>Happy Halloweenie Heads </u></span></h2>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I'm back!</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Did you miss me? </span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I've been <i>away ... </i>internet access wasn't available. But they let me out for good behavior, just in time for my favorite holiday!</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv6Af2-4dKOKQfxAEQmXO1CY1FVYmvSlUKlmgBIpjEWhYIlEE4UulWnJRUvccS63nBcJhT-UzmR_q6R5GILh5wER4rRU-omw_UlXa8ZWGOsJ1AEjuGe2h3BxiATx-UfXheCJSHWJq5xdA/s1600/hot+dog+head.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv6Af2-4dKOKQfxAEQmXO1CY1FVYmvSlUKlmgBIpjEWhYIlEE4UulWnJRUvccS63nBcJhT-UzmR_q6R5GILh5wER4rRU-omw_UlXa8ZWGOsJ1AEjuGe2h3BxiATx-UfXheCJSHWJq5xdA/s400/hot+dog+head.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Halloweenie Head: Yum!</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><u>Easy Recipe</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Ingredients:</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">1 head (Wimps can use styrofoam, but that crap destroys the environment; I prefer a natural, biodegradable skull)</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Two strips of ham (or your favorite lunch meat) for lips</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Two maraschino cherries (for bloodshot eyes)</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lots of teeny weenies (enough to cover the head) Store bought or the real thing ... you know which I prefer!</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lots of toothpicks: round, not those flimsy flat things. <i>Note: if you're using a real skull, nails work better--double pointed metal barbs are best, but difficult to find </i>(see note below)</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Silver spray paint</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Steps:</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">1) Set up the head, so it won't keel over. You may want to nail it to a board ... this can be a messy job. </span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">2) Prepare your weenies. Boiling makes them plump and fat, but roasting produces a lovely color and intensifies the flavor. </span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">3) If you're using toothpicks, spray them silver. Skip this step if you're using nails, but make sure they're stainless steel, rather than nasty aluminum which causes cancer ... depending on whom you're serving, of course. </span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">4) Secure the weenies to the head, taking care to place them in neat lines. Don't forget to leave room for the eyes and lips. <i>Note If you're using metal barbs, you'll probably stab yourself several times ... not to worry! Blood lends dimension to your creation</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">5) Stick in the maraschino cherry eyes, unless you have something more authentic handy</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">6) Fold ham to create and lips and secure with broken toothpicks, so they're hidden. <i>Note: I've tried using real lips, but they're sloppy</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">7) Invite over ghoulish guests and serve with mustard (Some guests may taste better with the addition of ketchup)</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>ENJOY!</b></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-91509896053673621742015-05-21T07:53:00.003-07:002015-05-21T08:19:55.174-07:00Travel Makes Murder Easy! FREE Advice from Sadie the Sadist<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Sadie's Ideal Family Vacation</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: red;">Hungry for travel? Me too!</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Half the planet is heading into summer, and the other half is looking to escape from winter, so now's the perfect time to travel. Get away from work and the daily grind, pack the kids and Grams into the car and take off on the open road ... plus travel offers other advantages you may not have considered. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">Check out Sadie's travel tips:</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">1. Choose the right destination</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anyone with a wad of cash can plan a vacation to Disneyworld--although the Mouse House offers an awesome selection of tender victims and rides present convenient opportunities for getting rid of that pesky family, security is tight and Disney is high profile, so when little Johnny takes a tumble from Space Mountain, you'll be faced with a nasty backlash of publicity, not to mention a barrage of questions from the police. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibGc0H_6EmO7OymuLLJCu-f2Umr6ZeC4XlLBfH0gTA_guuC4sRFFjdbvQ4BWsqUw9od-FljgjueDmuj9byySJEjjYt6A8PglZmLn_AF4m5uzfg2dEs6Tt0OkqUB8Nmvh0HsC6jvn4MzDQ/s1600/space+mountain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibGc0H_6EmO7OymuLLJCu-f2Umr6ZeC4XlLBfH0gTA_guuC4sRFFjdbvQ4BWsqUw9od-FljgjueDmuj9byySJEjjYt6A8PglZmLn_AF4m5uzfg2dEs6Tt0OkqUB8Nmvh0HsC6jvn4MzDQ/s400/space+mountain.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Give Granny a Heart Attack on Space Mountain Roller Coaster</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why not consider a less populated destination? For example: the Mojave Desert, Central Park at night, anywhere in North Dakota.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Camping in the heart of NYC</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnqKtWAarYD3SX2dS_GROJ6hTa9NcUzGU5eaJjpMQFr0r6xOnTqIjMcA-wJPw2lnrTlKGq_BFgx_KC5RySrlcJU8L8IMwZAm6U3ulPKnxWP8NpvYcHTlgOqfs6NwehntORVtgNxAtHtk/s1600/mojave+desert.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnqKtWAarYD3SX2dS_GROJ6hTa9NcUzGU5eaJjpMQFr0r6xOnTqIjMcA-wJPw2lnrTlKGq_BFgx_KC5RySrlcJU8L8IMwZAm6U3ulPKnxWP8NpvYcHTlgOqfs6NwehntORVtgNxAtHtk/s400/mojave+desert.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Room to Run in the Mojave</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>2. Pack carefully</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Don't waste space packing lots of clothes. You won't need them! Instead, make sure your suitcase contains these useful items: duct tape, meat cleaver, Pentobarbital (drug of choice for US executions). Optional: a gun. If you're out in the desert, coyotes will clean up for you, otherwise you may want a plastic tarp. Note: Tupperware is always handy, and I always pack a large cooler with lots of ice.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qG8PB64i2RndIE5rtfbpUt5rsxEnsWrJJuG1l2ZDHWVVkZm72Fb_3zfY2loMCVAgHbBrxKz5ld-L6MKdHscGhixwc4ujq0jiL5MjZVqFmYiQZPgXXHs8CtUFftFgyTRE8DikE5llf_Q/s1600/suitcases.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qG8PB64i2RndIE5rtfbpUt5rsxEnsWrJJuG1l2ZDHWVVkZm72Fb_3zfY2loMCVAgHbBrxKz5ld-L6MKdHscGhixwc4ujq0jiL5MjZVqFmYiQZPgXXHs8CtUFftFgyTRE8DikE5llf_Q/s400/suitcases.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Don't Over Pack!</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">3. Get in, get out</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">Tempting as it may be to stick around and enjoy the aftermath of your little escapade, I advise you to leave the scene as quickly as possible. Thanks to the internet, you can keep tabs on all the action. Now's your chance to get away and enjoy a <i>real </i>vaca!</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5x6PCA-yxblzH43lduX2l7K3fOuu40-0M0F_xJmJlo3klXWnYz59mIXKHXYG75iPT__CONq7wbcLUoBwhOHLWmbYRxpcwqK2jVhggRURWSLxZDmSCrPL46Hqc5UGNiQ1RLLC3HA-dh_w/s1600/poolside.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5x6PCA-yxblzH43lduX2l7K3fOuu40-0M0F_xJmJlo3klXWnYz59mIXKHXYG75iPT__CONq7wbcLUoBwhOHLWmbYRxpcwqK2jVhggRURWSLxZDmSCrPL46Hqc5UGNiQ1RLLC3HA-dh_w/s400/poolside.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-21929096703755805012015-03-01T10:21:00.001-08:002015-03-01T10:34:03.932-08:00Robot news: from Sadie the Sadist<h2>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Robots Taking Over Now!</span></h2>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For anyone who doubts robots are on the verge of replacing you, here's the latest <b>ROBOT NEWS:</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Bionic reconstruction, developed by professor Oskar Aszmann in Vienna, allows patients to use a prosthetic hand controlled by brain impulses. (<a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150224192618.htm" target="_blank">Read more about bionic reconstruction here</a>.) </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4T0_UxuO1iAeOKTeSN3jsxR5ZyXJT522e8gG39R5bjM6GFl7N1PVJsEnfvAX5IKXYKni-mtUFKYBZzOfdQZ83lh-zviTMAiPbadrBKCsftfBNGDuy7HqYNMhZoHRAThqg3mIgJ-s5H_M/s1600/images+(4).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4T0_UxuO1iAeOKTeSN3jsxR5ZyXJT522e8gG39R5bjM6GFl7N1PVJsEnfvAX5IKXYKni-mtUFKYBZzOfdQZ83lh-zviTMAiPbadrBKCsftfBNGDuy7HqYNMhZoHRAThqg3mIgJ-s5H_M/s1600/images+(4).jpg" height="299" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Science is Fucking with Your Nerves</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie Says: </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anyone with half a brain can see this is the first step to all of us receiving mandatory implants from the government which will allow greedy corporations to control our every move from remote sites. This gives new meaning to </span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">impulse shopping. </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Next time you throw something into your cart, consider that your arm may be under the influence of a computer chip.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgolJeK3g-0u5BoBHXwJPWgJ9PJmdbJvoHCLZCsvTyydFGjZJQ68NQbmcNde5A7ySsHhUoWat8sPhVZhB4IYwLbb1p-2cP3DRdi819qm79FhGmJXHErz_ivqY77KdYamQSzoML7Kn8E8kk/s1600/images+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgolJeK3g-0u5BoBHXwJPWgJ9PJmdbJvoHCLZCsvTyydFGjZJQ68NQbmcNde5A7ySsHhUoWat8sPhVZhB4IYwLbb1p-2cP3DRdi819qm79FhGmJXHErz_ivqY77KdYamQSzoML7Kn8E8kk/s1600/images+(2).jpg" height="271" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>This Could Be Your Head</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">More news for robotic body parts: Mechanical engineer, Mo Rastgaar, has developed a <a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150227181046.htm" target="_blank">prosthetic ankle</a> that can see where it's going, a prototype that provides a range of motion rivaling natural gait.</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie Says: </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This may sound like good news, but it's terrible news for those of us who like to goof off. Pretty soon corporations and governments will be planting eyeballs everywhere. Bad enough, you have to watch for cameras. What will it be like when your boss literally has eyeballs in the back of her head???</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-53970994837290882452015-02-03T08:16:00.000-08:002015-02-03T08:28:59.036-08:00The History of V.D. by Sadie the Sadist<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Sadie reveals the truth:</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For most of us, romance leads to
torture. So it’s no wonder that Valentine’s Day was named for a Christian
martyr. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbLZxNISPYCpcKViTNyWNjIRk3MHx3H3j6sntvemkBpSr7frdfiSbngcx3jU1w3m-XB6aUk1RUf_qTZSSrVeZ_Qzj8wQj_TocpjfB0sHxD9jwDp_DOYYNWJZtWtIZJ1g_KFPmtKrZbBkQ/s1600/images+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbLZxNISPYCpcKViTNyWNjIRk3MHx3H3j6sntvemkBpSr7frdfiSbngcx3jU1w3m-XB6aUk1RUf_qTZSSrVeZ_Qzj8wQj_TocpjfB0sHxD9jwDp_DOYYNWJZtWtIZJ1g_KFPmtKrZbBkQ/s1600/images+(1).jpg" height="298" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>A Holiday for Martyrs</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Back in 269 A. D. a priest named
Valentine lived in Rome, and at that time (unless you were a masochist) Rome
was not a great place to be Catholic. </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWep-Qju2C2VPiHTh_e_eLqJ03YU4zdLh6WtRnOuOyRQhpNI9ZUnkzK6arqxQCcG_j3Qypv9sTwr4OSscT9Rg2Vk5NfE2KDmOKc42fXJhkw2xaheSFHUujFzwA48pkIvTvhOOtI-hPEj8/s1600/sawing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWep-Qju2C2VPiHTh_e_eLqJ03YU4zdLh6WtRnOuOyRQhpNI9ZUnkzK6arqxQCcG_j3Qypv9sTwr4OSscT9Rg2Vk5NfE2KDmOKc42fXJhkw2xaheSFHUujFzwA48pkIvTvhOOtI-hPEj8/s1600/sawing.jpg" height="640" width="297" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Sawing: A Popular Roman Pastime</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Most Romans were pagans, into partying,
and orgies, and polygamy. Valentine was pushing for monogamy which pissed-off
the Roman Emperor, Claudius—not only because Claudius had lots of girlfriends,
boyfriends, and a slew of eunuchs, but because Romans believed single soldiers
made better fighters. After all, married soldiers cared more about their families
than some dumb war. Also, in my opinion, single soldiers were hornier and they
took all that frustration and testosterone out on the enemy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSn8a2F2_1puxEr-XqhWbGIO6NK-FMQWwsSJUB6wSjkdDgvcD_DjnOy6ksPXwnSrwBMFNqy5-_xcY5a-kNTnq1XIwc1UmbBMtfQTCrjP6CT0ZLofDLYdrkDwNdqS-_RsSnarjvj2jFAKo/s1600/ancient-rome.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSn8a2F2_1puxEr-XqhWbGIO6NK-FMQWwsSJUB6wSjkdDgvcD_DjnOy6ksPXwnSrwBMFNqy5-_xcY5a-kNTnq1XIwc1UmbBMtfQTCrjP6CT0ZLofDLYdrkDwNdqS-_RsSnarjvj2jFAKo/s1600/ancient-rome.jpg" height="278" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Romans Liked to Party</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anyway, priest Valentine ignored the
emperor’s mandate about soldiers hooking up and secretly performed marriages.
That really pissed off Emperor Claudius, so he ordered Valentine to be whacked.
The priest was beaten, stoned, and finally decapitated. Those Romans knew
entertainment, not to mention partying. They already had a mid-February
fertility celebration called Lupercalia—an excuse for three days of running
around naked, raucous sex, and overeating—so, years later when the Catholics
took over Rome, fans of Valentine tacked his name onto that holiday.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHFTWXfyKkNc3u9ZIScXJNlsy1eK7JnsaHvB_t3nWS42Vvgp84zzib1zG3PTsOgPRmBkqJPmpmg9CX3U2JDOeIUzhMYC6SDPfL5Atck0Td5pL80iKsfX0hRvhjXH-936NWSM-uRxHDYpI/s1600/Saint-valentine-history-lovers-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHFTWXfyKkNc3u9ZIScXJNlsy1eK7JnsaHvB_t3nWS42Vvgp84zzib1zG3PTsOgPRmBkqJPmpmg9CX3U2JDOeIUzhMYC6SDPfL5Atck0Td5pL80iKsfX0hRvhjXH-936NWSM-uRxHDYpI/s1600/Saint-valentine-history-lovers-2.jpg" height="372" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Valentine Getting Whacked</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Sadie’s V.D. Advice:</b></span><span style="color: #ea9999;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Don’t mope
around waiting for some loser to give you a box of chocolates and flowers, take a
tip from ancient Romans—go down to your local bar, whip it out, create a scene. V.D. means it's time to party! And remember, nothing raises the libido like severed body parts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-81502170983036664082015-01-03T08:34:00.002-08:002015-01-03T09:10:45.858-08:00Sadie Says: New Year Resolutions are B.S. <span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Stop staring at the mirror reflecting on the changes you intend to make to become a better, happier, more socially acceptable you. </span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Does this list sound familiar?</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Too fat. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Too lazy. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Spend too much money. </span></div>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI2SQNWQWDuC8PTMkGEM-ohu68hgxiL7T-pUXUlynS-6wbEBdGTfH_8GrzQWaNzLx4_sbZ-MCfNVSyjzTEizhdnAbhO9uLDK8igq1pfRdAM5r7RDFh4HRsLVRe4uk1b6VklTucf0UogiQ/s1600/images+(23).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI2SQNWQWDuC8PTMkGEM-ohu68hgxiL7T-pUXUlynS-6wbEBdGTfH_8GrzQWaNzLx4_sbZ-MCfNVSyjzTEizhdnAbhO9uLDK8igq1pfRdAM5r7RDFh4HRsLVRe4uk1b6VklTucf0UogiQ/s1600/images+(23).jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Just Change the Year</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">All that crap your parents, friends, and your annoying boyfriend/girlfriend (note to self: dump his/her ass) are always pointing out.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie Says:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> quit wasting your time with all that b.s. soul searching. </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Feeling guilt and shame, making resolutions that </span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">you know you'll break, </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">only make you feel lousier. Right?</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjApc8eq3CkKow0urzp2alGHHWVzpXWPIRKzs2kc97Pd9T6meQhB-D73rTxvKuVf-MBNb2r1wT1_Vurglx3arM1pqozKXUu5Bg0xlpz3_OhSPVpJSfVjbAVwOPBYbJ2PehcLt7mFpYZh3A/s1600/images+(22).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjApc8eq3CkKow0urzp2alGHHWVzpXWPIRKzs2kc97Pd9T6meQhB-D73rTxvKuVf-MBNb2r1wT1_Vurglx3arM1pqozKXUu5Bg0xlpz3_OhSPVpJSfVjbAVwOPBYbJ2PehcLt7mFpYZh3A/s1600/images+(22).jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The key to happiness is going with the flow. Follow Sadie's example, and </span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">make a list of vows that you can keep! </span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><u>Sadie's Top 10 Resolutions</u></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">1. Bigger is better, so stuff yourself with Cheetos, pizza, and fried food.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">2. Make a list of irritating people and invite them over for dinner. (Note: first make room in the freezer.) Then feast on steak till 2016.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">3. Overspending is not a problem when you use other</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">people's credit cards.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">4. It's easy to cut down on drinking. Switch to weed.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">5. Help a nicotine addict by filling their cigarettes with gunpowder.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">6. Get rid of the annoying boyfriend and invest in a good vibrator. (Guys, raw liver does the trick.)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">7. Why look for another job? Just kill your boss. This will create an opening, and you'll be ready to jump in.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">8. Instead of vowing to spend less time on social media, make it your business and take on multiple identities. Becoming a sock puppet allows you to scam people and leave bogus reviews.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">9. Joining a gym really pays off when you case members in the locker room and follow them out into the parking lot. Working out at night is best.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">10. Accept yourself just as you are. Attempting to change is a waste of time and energy, unless you score a prescription for Xanax or other fun drugs.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoFkiM8G5T16cHYoIK-AFckNkFI6qwRMgkvECK3sb3tKt7IYvg964UGxCFs2GnJx9kGLfY7iI3s0toqqm5pn0gsmCraGNGMmZ6aHmfzJ14whpOrQjIyQ60b52lSyP7vRDQjcw7diaOXbI/s1600/New-year-resolution-saying-500x354.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoFkiM8G5T16cHYoIK-AFckNkFI6qwRMgkvECK3sb3tKt7IYvg964UGxCFs2GnJx9kGLfY7iI3s0toqqm5pn0gsmCraGNGMmZ6aHmfzJ14whpOrQjIyQ60b52lSyP7vRDQjcw7diaOXbI/s1600/New-year-resolution-saying-500x354.jpg" height="282" width="400" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-79826036760719064102014-12-25T06:51:00.001-08:002014-12-25T06:53:09.925-08:00Peace on Earth - Goodwill to All Beings<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgb65qsaRPvsUJiTzid0QHHi6lsUYuomUHllfYYuud2KSoJ-Dq-L9TRkuyVtzcEkPtTyYzdtbYhFpGinYUJ2kaZPgm-9RZTUxpfq7uhpDAMuOXs5p6qldnnXrHbVVcFLpMZpq2xmsi5xE/s1600/images+(21).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgb65qsaRPvsUJiTzid0QHHi6lsUYuomUHllfYYuud2KSoJ-Dq-L9TRkuyVtzcEkPtTyYzdtbYhFpGinYUJ2kaZPgm-9RZTUxpfq7uhpDAMuOXs5p6qldnnXrHbVVcFLpMZpq2xmsi5xE/s1600/images+(21).jpg" height="323" width="400" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-13638552339433066872014-12-09T08:32:00.000-08:002014-12-13T09:40:35.844-08:0012 Indies of Christmas Blog Hop<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Sadie Busts Holiday Myths</span></h2>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As you may know, Sadie (known to many as </span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie the Sadist</span><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">), is BIG on truth. Just in time for the horrordaze, our favorite psycho is here to dispel a few popular myths.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(Scroll to the end of this blog and enter to win killer prizes from 12 terrific indie authors including: a signed paperback copy of <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JOOFCLK" target="_blank">Sadie the Sadist</a></i>, three ebooks of <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NA7KX84" target="_blank">Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers</a>, </i>and a Bloody Cleaver Handbag.)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>1) Who the hell is Santa Claus?</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYgpnnzeKYsbQdBevSldnhRtvxJKjUozlJo0Brh0C38ReIs5D4YNSgTZhoY7h54te7mQybpZbjHg87JlIc_kDHi-5o2moYuZV3vvts1KK7Nb-_Q3v209Turf1AxtiHOByXdeY0t94YWp4/s1600/images+(41).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYgpnnzeKYsbQdBevSldnhRtvxJKjUozlJo0Brh0C38ReIs5D4YNSgTZhoY7h54te7mQybpZbjHg87JlIc_kDHi-5o2moYuZV3vvts1KK7Nb-_Q3v209Turf1AxtiHOByXdeY0t94YWp4/s1600/images+(41).jpg" height="400" width="299" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>should you trust this man?</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Sadie Says: </b></span><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From my experience, SANTA IS A PEDOPHILE. Why else would an old
man put up with sniveling kids sitting on his lap? As usual, the
Catholic Church ignored that fact. They spun a story about this guy,
Nicholas, a Bishop who lived in the fourth century (we all know what went on in
those monasteries) and made him a saint.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><b>2) What do the colors red and green have to do with Christmas?</b></span></span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnbiaPFzjjp9lLUHKxoNGIsE29LqDQxeXZCclRf_ZtKtGXRsoffE_ciXHfYEbr3gDVTi2HtdrjmFnaH5_wYi906qAjmFhFO9syh7u0QeHi5ZCVN_jaAY1VMf7fJP_QOBvwt2DzHJCjyPA/s1600/images+(42).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnbiaPFzjjp9lLUHKxoNGIsE29LqDQxeXZCclRf_ZtKtGXRsoffE_ciXHfYEbr3gDVTi2HtdrjmFnaH5_wYi906qAjmFhFO9syh7u0QeHi5ZCVN_jaAY1VMf7fJP_QOBvwt2DzHJCjyPA/s1600/images+(42).jpg" height="299" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>authentic photo of a gladiator</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Sadie Says: </b></span></span><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">GREEN has been part of winter celebrations FOREVER. Ancient Romans
exchanged branches of evergreen in January as a reminder of spring and life, because in the dead of winter everyone was ready to
commit suicide or hop into an arena with a gladiator. Back then they had no internet, no TV,
not even electricity. Conversely, RED symbolizes blood and death, duh. BTW, in ancient
Rome a favorite method of suicide was to slit your wrists in the bath tub … just like my mommy did.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><b>3) What's up with those dreidel things and Hanukkah?</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq6MTacMpEGlRj6cCZ1a5gGbGIYaWqqG1dgfL2Cmq1gX8a2ddGQGZN-yChaHcvfVr8M_by0o4pZ9JUqdIDk0A1RMmylFq0WSrCBzuPBkiqGP6GFYGv2PjLWFFJkr0sHMOhu3ALIHvxLmA/s1600/images+(44).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq6MTacMpEGlRj6cCZ1a5gGbGIYaWqqG1dgfL2Cmq1gX8a2ddGQGZN-yChaHcvfVr8M_by0o4pZ9JUqdIDk0A1RMmylFq0WSrCBzuPBkiqGP6GFYGv2PjLWFFJkr0sHMOhu3ALIHvxLmA/s1600/images+(44).jpg" height="298" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>what else can you do in the dark?</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Sadie Says: </b></span><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Most people associate menorahs and nine candles with
Hanukkah, but in case you don’t know, a
dreidel is a four sided spinning top with Hebrew letters inscribed on each
side. Rabbis have tried to come up with explanations for the dreidel’s
association with the holiday and many say the letters (<i>nun, gimmel, hey,
shin) </i>stand for <i>nes gadol haya sham, "</i>a great miracle happened there."
But the true story is: after the Jews drove the Greeks out of Jerusalem, they
threw an orgy that lasted for eight nights and used dreidels like dice for gambling and playing spin the bottle. </span> </div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3xl_-obqKL8-zjulBoSuIGK6bUCDSrV5Qf4OkvzukJCHTofUUOggoaDXxFHOupuwhKj2-UP-TyuR89I8pNMpzMPjLQTxx4VBVI-PZAWJp9i3LqpP5QJIIp48UYRsrtnszIRkN6djGwlg/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3xl_-obqKL8-zjulBoSuIGK6bUCDSrV5Qf4OkvzukJCHTofUUOggoaDXxFHOupuwhKj2-UP-TyuR89I8pNMpzMPjLQTxx4VBVI-PZAWJp9i3LqpP5QJIIp48UYRsrtnszIRkN6djGwlg/s1600/2.jpg" height="344" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Win Killer Prizes</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Including: A signed paperback copy of <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JOOFCLK" target="_blank">Sadie the Sadist</a></i>, 3 ebook copies of <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NA7KX84" target="_blank">Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers</a></i>, and a Bloody Cleaver Handbag</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimEhFT2XwJKOmxY9W0cy4ZcFIeaykUJNeEOTO1Q9RMb3yD6z2Fkd4zwvnCb7Hs7CshzJgkwSVUf2Qi5UJ48PRg-rOvQ5NsLHyYT9RfmAMK0N9qBHmijjgKx1nDCdEjso8nTfdb5DXvX-I/s1600/cleaverbag06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimEhFT2XwJKOmxY9W0cy4ZcFIeaykUJNeEOTO1Q9RMb3yD6z2Fkd4zwvnCb7Hs7CshzJgkwSVUf2Qi5UJ48PRg-rOvQ5NsLHyYT9RfmAMK0N9qBHmijjgKx1nDCdEjso8nTfdb5DXvX-I/s1600/cleaverbag06.jpg" height="308" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>This could be YOU</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Enter Below</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>at the bottom of this blog</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b style="background-color: black;"><br /></b></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 12th</span><span style="color: #666666;"> - </span><b><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">Zane Sachs</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 13th </span><span style="color: #666666;">- </span><b><a href="http://kristakakes.blogspot.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">Kira Adams</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 14th</span><span style="color: #666666;"> - </span><b><a href="https://chessdesalls.wordpress.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">Chess Desalls</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 15th </span><span style="color: #666666;">- </span><b><a href="https://www.facebook.com/KaiStrandAuthor" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">Kai Strand</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 16th</span><span style="color: #666666;"> - </span><b><a href="http://zoedawson.com/blog/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">Zoe Dawson</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 17th</span><span style="color: #666666;"> - </span><b><a href="https://agporter.wordpress.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">A.G. Porter</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 18th</span><span style="color: #666666;"> - </span><b><a href="http://joypenny.wordpress.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">Joy Penny</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 19th</span><span style="color: #666666;"> - </span><b><a href="http://waibelworld.blogspot.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">Mary Waibel</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 20th</span><span style="color: #666666;"> - </span><b><a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cynthia-D-Witherspoon/315516345297331?fref=ts" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">Cynthia Witherspoon</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 21st</span><span style="color: #666666;"> - </span><b><a href="http://www.kk-allen.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: red;">K.K. Allen</span></a></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 22nd</span><span style="color: #666666;"> - </span><a href="http://www.anneverett.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><b><span style="color: red;">Ann Everett</span></b></a></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: 'Coming Soon'; font-size: 20px; line-height: 28px;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #38761d;">December 23rd </span><span style="color: #666666;">- </span><span style="color: red;"><b><a href="http://blog.erinrhewbooks.com/" style="text-decoration: none;">Erin Rhew</a></b> & <b><a href="http://blog.deekrhewbooks.com/" style="text-decoration: none;">Deek Rhew</a></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: start;">(</span><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: start;">To win the cleaver purse and signed book, like my</span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: start;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/ZaneSachs" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: start;" target="_blank">Facebook Author Page</a><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: start;"> </span></span><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: start;">and</span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: start;"> Subscribe to my blog through the box on the right.</span><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: start;"> )</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-83411895214712685882014-11-12T09:53:00.000-08:002014-11-21T08:52:51.013-08:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">10 Reasons the Holidays Suck, and 10 Ways to Make Them Better: </span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FREE
Advice from Sadie the Sadist<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: red; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 150%;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75"
coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe"
filled="f" stroked="f">
<v:stroke joinstyle="miter"/>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Falalalalalah and all that crap may cheer up some
people, but if you’re like me, you dread the holiday season. IMO, after
Halloween it’s all downhill until we hit mid-January and everyone forgets their
stupid resolutions. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;">I’m not a professional shrink (although I’ve seen
plenty), but I’ve devised the following list of common triggers for Holiday
blues—if five or more resonate with you, be sure to check my helpful antidotes.</span><span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg9_rM_WKwFgfCIIomtiZ5xW2BVT7hSk7EE02Z3300eAadyuyLEil3x0vDKoWoE9YIoZLZ0WrmjrvxLFovN76AE066S-LMVDqv9AuQ5yUfZqunL19IphUVaG2i8cbRKcERb4k69zpeyjA/s1600/download+(16).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg9_rM_WKwFgfCIIomtiZ5xW2BVT7hSk7EE02Z3300eAadyuyLEil3x0vDKoWoE9YIoZLZ0WrmjrvxLFovN76AE066S-LMVDqv9AuQ5yUfZqunL19IphUVaG2i8cbRKcERb4k69zpeyjA/s1600/download+(16).jpg" height="226" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Insane Santa</b></span></td></tr>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: red; line-height: 150%;">10<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: red; line-height: 150%;">reasons the Holiday Season Sucks:</span></b></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">They
start advertising Christmas crap before Halloween.</span><b><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">You’re forced
to see relatives that you can’t stand.</span><b><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">You’re
expected to buy the relatives that you can’t stand expensive presents … and they never like
them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">Because
you’re stressed, you stuff yourself and gain ten pounds.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">You’d
like to work-off all that holiday blubber, but the gym is constantly closed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">6.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">If you
hear “I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus” one more time, you will commit suicide.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">7.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">You
need a refill on your Xanax, but the pharmacy is isn't open.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">8.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">All
those colored, blinking lights give you a headache.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .55in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">9.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><i><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">Criminal Minds </span></i><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;">is pre-empted by <i>A Charlie Brown Christmas.</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .3in; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">10. You suspect Santa is a pedophile. </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbQo9P6gppkBrwLGaICij3Bs65Osb4mvI1TL0UnBySG3br0ytkdu-tF6Ov_ga8QOfiO18DDGB9sYtMzw33E7nrjidXAIwR8flGXXX5_TxpoyMlkxDAHdRmnQs1uisSBsApEQs2-_RKikQ/s1600/download+(17).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbQo9P6gppkBrwLGaICij3Bs65Osb4mvI1TL0UnBySG3br0ytkdu-tF6Ov_ga8QOfiO18DDGB9sYtMzw33E7nrjidXAIwR8flGXXX5_TxpoyMlkxDAHdRmnQs1uisSBsApEQs2-_RKikQ/s1600/download+(17).jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="color: red; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">10 Ways to Kill Holiday
Depression:</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 21px; line-height: 32px;">1. Make a statement a</span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">bout crass holiday advertising by vandalizing holiday shoppers' cars
in the Walmart parking lot. (First, be sure to check for cameras.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. </span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When
relatives show up, instead of stressing, take the opportunity to try some of
Sadie the Sadist’s innovative recipes … a tough relative can provide a tender
cut of meat.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. </span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dumpster
diving is a great way to save on gifts. If that fails, check out the Dollar
Store. Chances are, your relatives are too dumb to know the difference.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. </span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Reframe
your reality. For example: weight gain can be an advantage when you’re tackling
victims. Also, your victims have probably put on a few pounds too, which makes
them easier to catch and juicier.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. P</span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">ursuing victims provides a great work-out. You’ll burn a lot of calories
butchering bodies, dragging them around, and digging graves. (Better yet, use
them when you make my recipes.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6. </span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mount
a loudspeaker on your car, and drive around town blasting Marilyn Manson.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7. </span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The holidays are a great time to self-medicate.
Crash a party and drink all the punch and eggnog. If you’re in my hometown,
those cookies may give you a buzz, if not, visit the local dispensary.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8. </span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Blinking
lights aren’t annoying when you’re high on weed. If your state doesn’t offer
legal marijuana, plan a trip to Washington or my state, Colorado.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">9. </span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Instead
of spending mindless hours watching the boob-tube, make your own old-fashioned
fun: bake a batch of marijuana cookies and pass them out at work; set fire to
the church during candlelight service; turn that pesky boss into a hearty stew
for the office potluck. Be inventive!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">10. </span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
best antidote for a pedophile Santa can be found in my book, <i>Sadie the Sadist. </i>I won’t describe it
here, but the procedure requires a large cob of corn.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0muzH9SlXwUU7D59Iy-XFF8sJJT6CI_PHJzRjEiRnIbVxMjdbXaokppKpJ57kUi8TzLhUZBNsP32mWla6OtdgehTncHR8mqdq1EzQQnBHvtnDPEPGurM-fXtWeZbkzTNZ-8-iXd9l_Lk/s1600/images+(39).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0muzH9SlXwUU7D59Iy-XFF8sJJT6CI_PHJzRjEiRnIbVxMjdbXaokppKpJ57kUi8TzLhUZBNsP32mWla6OtdgehTncHR8mqdq1EzQQnBHvtnDPEPGurM-fXtWeZbkzTNZ-8-iXd9l_Lk/s1600/images+(39).jpg" height="294" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center; text-indent: -24px;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 28px;"><b>Sadie Says: Happy HorrorDaze!</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-91143346098100309562014-10-24T06:21:00.002-07:002014-10-24T16:29:28.945-07:00<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Indie Fall Fest</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Win Awesome Prizes</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Including a Machete Just Like Sadie's</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>(Blood Not Included)</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>141 Books Plus $70 Amazon Gift Cards</b></span><br />
<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipKAn0OXkNN3iwSeV93JagueWkg-3rhANch7JYEa2Bc6iug_IZWR2dVoshkFasieuTC7itleyXAO-PL-VcxCGz4SXaGElw6_avU4LMlRduszGWsIiAr3LGpty1AZC_vaWCwcw3zMhmRAw/s1600/IFFbanner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipKAn0OXkNN3iwSeV93JagueWkg-3rhANch7JYEa2Bc6iug_IZWR2dVoshkFasieuTC7itleyXAO-PL-VcxCGz4SXaGElw6_avU4LMlRduszGWsIiAr3LGpty1AZC_vaWCwcw3zMhmRAw/s1600/IFFbanner.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Enter at:</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://prettylittlepages.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Pretty Little Pages</a></span></b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>or</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><a href="http://kristakakes.blogspot.com/2014/10/indie-fall-fest-kick-off-giveaway.html" target="_blank">Sing Me Anything</a></b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>or</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Scroll Down to</b></span><br />
<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Enter at the Bottom of This Blog</b></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-66649210306198321502014-09-25T08:00:00.000-07:002014-09-28T21:38:48.511-07:0010 Reasons Long Nights Rock<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Advice from Sadie--Embrace Darkness:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If you're a psycho like me, you welcome the longer nights we're drifting into on the northern half of this planet. People often worship light, but I prefer darkness. In the blinding light of day we see what we <i>want </i>to see, but as daylight fades, night reveals what light keeps hidden.</span><br />
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>10 Reasons Long Nights Rock</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">1. Dim light makes everyone look better ... fancy restaurants always have lousy lighting, so your food (and your company) appear more edible.</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">2. It's fun to sneak up on people and surprise them in places like parking lots, the bike trail, alleyways ... duh.</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">3. Instead of doing yard work and other chores, you have an excuse to binge watch your favorite shows like <i>Criminal Minds, Deadly Women, </i>and <i>The Walking Dead</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">4. If you do decide to do yard work, for example: digging that six foot hole out in the garden, your neighbors won't notice.</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">5. Your boss will never see what hit him.</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">6. If you happen to be driving, it's a blast to blind annoying pedestrians.</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">7. Don't need to worry about sunburn when you're fucking around outside.</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">8. It's easier to tell if people are at home, especially if they don't use blinds or curtains.</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">9. You'll blend in when you wear your black ski mask.</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">10. Bottom Line: night makes everything scarier.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-50559918285987661722014-09-07T09:24:00.001-07:002014-09-07T09:24:58.366-07:00Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers is Live: Twisted and More Twisted <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>TA-DAH: </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Sadie is back with a vengeance!</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Now, for the first time, the secrets of L'il Sadie's demented childhood are revealed</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Available in 2 Versions:</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5o4KjQlysqaBcj-_Vnd_JTmVU_NgUqP0fzM092Lm5Ncv_BGBlvMsD5H2wb-SDnXyK4XTlT5uOTdxS4fBq7O9-T3Zj7AbCrMZ0Uswi8tGb3p-jq7rCYhJqYyoaTPV3Z2A_l3vkOGXHpGQ/s1600/Guide+to+Catching+Killers+final.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5o4KjQlysqaBcj-_Vnd_JTmVU_NgUqP0fzM092Lm5Ncv_BGBlvMsD5H2wb-SDnXyK4XTlT5uOTdxS4fBq7O9-T3Zj7AbCrMZ0Uswi8tGb3p-jq7rCYhJqYyoaTPV3Z2A_l3vkOGXHpGQ/s1600/Guide+to+Catching+Killers+final.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Twisted<br /></b></span></td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRhusOb95QWTsBEl3AvTnMiNkYnmrKeiRLp7iCcYwT8xUquFvx_ndqISNBEC9jgy68XO-a5PBHFVH_z51jjKFbfVucBwuVj4CQDRZfDp6Oy_CT80fAkuT0paCEsHfpUGtkqib0-7PzLQk/s1600/1148+Susanne+Tyrpak+ebook+Sadie's%2BGuide_X%2BRATED_4_L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRhusOb95QWTsBEl3AvTnMiNkYnmrKeiRLp7iCcYwT8xUquFvx_ndqISNBEC9jgy68XO-a5PBHFVH_z51jjKFbfVucBwuVj4CQDRZfDp6Oy_CT80fAkuT0paCEsHfpUGtkqib0-7PzLQk/s1600/1148+Susanne+Tyrpak+ebook+Sadie's%2BGuide_X%2BRATED_4_L.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: red;">Uncut: More Twisted</span><br /><br /><span style="color: #e06666;">Description:<br /></span></b></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Sadie may seem like the girl next door—except she isn’t. At
age eight, when Sadie finds Mommy in the bathtub floating in a pool of blood, she becomes obsessed with murder. <i>Sadie’s
Guide to Catching Killers</i> is the prekill to <i>Sadie the Sadist: X-tremely Black Humor/Horror</i>, delving into
Sadie’s twisted childhood to unravel what makes her the psycho we know and
love. The <b>uncut version</b>—the story
you’ve got in your hot little hands (X-cept for those of you who happen to be
whacking off) is almost as violent and psycho-sexual as Sadie the Sadist, but
remember (sick puppies) Sadie is a child and a teenager here, not yet a full
blown psychopath like us. (If you’re not fully blown, put down this book and
pick up the R rated version.) </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Plus,
Advice from L’il Sadie, Self-Help BONUS:</b> <i>10 Signs Someone is a Low-Life Liar; 10 Ways to Your Dream Confession;
10 Useful Household Poisons, </i>and more! </span><o:p></o:p></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Buy it Now:</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Amazon <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N5DL1VG" target="_blank">Twisted</a> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NA7KX84" target="_blank">UNCUT: More Twisted</a></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>B&N <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sadies-guide-to-catching-killers-zan-sachs/1120254373?ean=2940150651036" target="_blank">Twisted</a> <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sadies-guide-to-catching-killers-zan-sachs/1120319054?ean=2940150567672" target="_blank">UNCUT: More Twisted</a></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(Also available on Smashwords, and soon on iTunes, Kobo, etc.)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>L'il Sadie says: </b></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Great self-help for wanna be psychos </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(Makes a lovely gift for family you want to kill)</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-76771671255040280602014-09-03T07:10:00.001-07:002014-09-08T07:32:22.937-07:00Six Pack of Sleuths: Comedy Mystery<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="color: red;">6 Hilarious Mysteries--6 Hilarious Authors: Boxed Set </span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="color: red;">.99 cents!</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(includes more insanity from Sadie)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ1WkweEUxgBDyVISS6E6d2WcWJbFGnHg32Cii5ZL1pU9CiYIZwaMygxK0xmp3KPLa-lGEwWd8X4HTYZrxvUJnp9WaQmj43-LgkoU4zJ4k8SwGBd2ffdVM0oRFCMltZaMaJTq40o3CWn8/s1600/FB+6+pack+pic+from+Lia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ1WkweEUxgBDyVISS6E6d2WcWJbFGnHg32Cii5ZL1pU9CiYIZwaMygxK0xmp3KPLa-lGEwWd8X4HTYZrxvUJnp9WaQmj43-LgkoU4zJ4k8SwGBd2ffdVM0oRFCMltZaMaJTq40o3CWn8/s1600/FB+6+pack+pic+from+Lia.jpg" height="256" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: x-large;">Buy it Now!</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://smarturl.it/SixPackSleuths" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>KINDLE</b></span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #e06666;"><br /></span></b></span>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">* * LIMITED TIME OFFER * * </span><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Six Award Winning Bestselling Authors bring you a Six Pack of Sleuths </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">for .99 cents</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b>DEATH BY SARCASM </b></span><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">Dani Amore</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mary Cooper, a Los Angeles area private detective who masks
her true, caring nature with a razor-sharp, sarcastic sense of humor, learns
that her uncle, a former stand-up comedian has been murdered. She is asked to
assist in finding the killer by both the police and family members. Mary
quickly discovers that her uncle's death was just the opening act for a bloody
rampage. As Mary investigates, she exposes a dark and deadly legacy with
mysterious links to her own past. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"DEATH BY SARCASM cuts like a knife." ~ Savannah
Morning News <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: red;"><b><span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">MIAMI MUMM<o:p></o:p></span><span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">IES (Wendy Darlin series)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">Barbara Silkstone </span><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The legendary mastermind criminal and mummy thief, Kyzer
Saucy, strikes again. Part-time tomb raider and full-time real estate broker,
Wendy Darlin joins her lover, archaeologist Roger Jolley as they struggle to
save a rare Miami mummy from the clutches of this evil genius. Can Saucy be
stopped before he kills again? Meanwhile can Wendy keep her promise to Alfred
Hiccup as he attempts to transmigrate from the afterlife? Or has Wendy finally
made one promise too many? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This book is an homage to the great Alfred Hitchcock… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">who is probably turning over in his grave. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“WENDY DARLIN: A leading lady you love to bits!” ~ Alisha
Bookseller <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: red;">MY PERFECT WEDDING </span></b><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">Sibel Hodge </span><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Helen Grey is finally getting everything she wants. She’s
about to have the perfect dream wedding and begin an exciting new life abroad
on the sunny Mediterranean island of Cyprus. But living the dream isn’t all
it’s cracked up to be. With the big day rapidly approaching, a roller-coaster
of mishaps, misunderstandings, and disasters threatens to turn the newlyweds
into nearlyweds. Can Helen prevent an assassination, and have the perfect
wedding? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“If you are a fan of Sophie Kinsella I am positive you will
love MY PERFECT WEDDING by Sibel Hodge" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">~ Geeky Girl Books <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41sNhQ7tKnL._AA160_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41sNhQ7tKnL._AA160_.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: red;">SADIE’S GUIDE TO CATCHING KILLERS </span></b><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Zané Sachs</span><span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> (the demented alter-ego of author, Suzanne
Tyrpak) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sadie may seem like the girl next door—except she isn’t. At
age eight, when she finds Mommy in the bathtub in a pool of blood, Sadie
becomes obsessed with bringing down murderers. SADIE’S GUIDE TO CATCHING
KILLERS is the prekill to SADIE THE SADIST: X-tremely Black Humor/Horror,
delving into Sadie’s twisted childhood to unravel what makes her the psycho we
know and love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Plus, Advice from L’il Sadie, Self-Help BONUS : 10 Signs
Someone is a Low-Life Liar; 10 Ways to Your Dream Confession; 10 Useful
Household Poisons, and more! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">NEW RELEASE! A twisted coming-of-age story, Black
Humor/Horror. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b>BEING LIGHT </b></span><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">Helen Smith </span><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When her husband doesn’t come home, Sheila Travers hires a
private detective to find him. Being Light is no ordinary detective story. The
sharp observations on the lives of modern women will have you laughing out loud
as you follow the surreal adventures of the ensemble cast. Take in circus
performers, animal rights activists, philosophers, dreamers and a new kind of
dating agency in this joyfully funny book. And find out what happened to Roy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Very funny!" ~ Times Literary Supplement <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b>FOOD OF LOVE </b></span><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">Anne R. Allen </span><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After Princess Regina, a former supermodel, is ridiculed in
the tabloids for gaining weight, someone tries to kill her. She suspects her
royal husband wants to be rid of her, now she’s no longer model-thin. As she
flees the mysterious assassin, she discovers the world thinks she is dead, and
seeks refuge with the only person she can trust, Rev. Cady Stanton,a right-wing
talk show host who has romantic and weight issues of her own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“A mix as bubbly as a double chocolate milk shake. Pack this
one to add punch to your holiday reading.” ~ South Yorkshire Times</span><span style="background-color: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>All yours in a Six Pack of Sleuths!</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-49170790760959410972014-08-29T12:58:00.001-07:002014-08-31T11:13:53.061-07:00Sadie the Sadist .99 cents, Labor Day Weekend<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-large;">Insanity with Sadie!</b></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Celebrating everyone who works a shit job like Sadie's </b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Labor Day Weekend</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY4FGupm4pdSq83XYBQk3MXV5CvKpVLTlh0NiPzB3EL7hslzakkjhgdo2IYWDUJwssOoScad0KgbU0GYh8V4XZECJWyJsaV7NFBaWbbcg5oOqheXvupms3TMUFYxJrKmsFJYzjYCLuXTs/s1600/download+(13).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY4FGupm4pdSq83XYBQk3MXV5CvKpVLTlh0NiPzB3EL7hslzakkjhgdo2IYWDUJwssOoScad0KgbU0GYh8V4XZECJWyJsaV7NFBaWbbcg5oOqheXvupms3TMUFYxJrKmsFJYzjYCLuXTs/s1600/download+(13).jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Sadie the Sadist is on a Kindle Countdown</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">for just </b><b style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">.99 cents</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(the perfect Labor Day escape for psychos)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Buy it <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JOOFCLK#" target="_blank">HERE</a></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Price goes back to $2.99 on Tuesday</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-10176187580370255222014-08-23T18:53:00.001-07:002014-08-24T19:24:37.911-07:00Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers: Covers Unveiled<h2>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Jeroen ten Berge has done it again!</span></h2>
<h3>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Murderously Brilliant Covers ...</span></h3>
<h4>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">for my new Sadie novella: <i>Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers</i></span></h4>
<div>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>The book will be released in two versions: </b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>twisted and a bit more twisted</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzAbUDCpHOrvjRJSaMkOpYxoyuVS141BZ4KAtSLB1IFHTh_kot8m55v6utFBsmVHi7UWlFeLPWtepWSKBICfOc0lcclsLIan5SwfNfcF8K0d1sOGtBdRpbDS6CA7JjZJqSXQV-uqbXKjw/s1600/Sadie+final+R.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzAbUDCpHOrvjRJSaMkOpYxoyuVS141BZ4KAtSLB1IFHTh_kot8m55v6utFBsmVHi7UWlFeLPWtepWSKBICfOc0lcclsLIan5SwfNfcF8K0d1sOGtBdRpbDS6CA7JjZJqSXQV-uqbXKjw/s1600/Sadie+final+R.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Twisted</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO2A6cPADw7EA1L3_DU6CJNamn3Vz52BTOj585a1sFmDG2hIZIGTXuoN8mFKU3IY2yvH7GbMGEPaE8AKPH2qK3fTWuXPn0gBqV_nMYkGvl8uh1ZSlI-W-d5hzCl1looLX8o-rn_kHO-y4/s1600/1148+Susanne+Tyrpak+ebook+Sadie's%2BGuide_X%2BRATED_4_L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO2A6cPADw7EA1L3_DU6CJNamn3Vz52BTOj585a1sFmDG2hIZIGTXuoN8mFKU3IY2yvH7GbMGEPaE8AKPH2qK3fTWuXPn0gBqV_nMYkGvl8uh1ZSlI-W-d5hzCl1looLX8o-rn_kHO-y4/s1600/1148+Susanne+Tyrpak+ebook+Sadie's%2BGuide_X%2BRATED_4_L.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>More Twisted</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Win an electronic copy at <a href="https://www.librarything.com/er/giveaway/list" target="_blank">LibraryThing</a></b></span></div>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2LLDgoldFoiSW2QU1tMrkR-yGtkyIuVDasJXJry98wqnjlK0Zbs5xmlbkOIXgHTx9t3GIaUrmk_PQtrSs3VGEp351ISipbMuESTKKSSBHNI9qPfWkDLN1y-FqexCuzFCfhSKxZGr6vok/s1600/ltmgbig.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2LLDgoldFoiSW2QU1tMrkR-yGtkyIuVDasJXJry98wqnjlK0Zbs5xmlbkOIXgHTx9t3GIaUrmk_PQtrSs3VGEp351ISipbMuESTKKSSBHNI9qPfWkDLN1y-FqexCuzFCfhSKxZGr6vok/s1600/ltmgbig.gif" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-2602366603799823712014-08-05T07:52:00.000-07:002014-08-05T17:01:09.299-07:00Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers: Advice from L'il Sadie<h2>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What makes Sadie the psycho we know and love?</span></h2>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666;">Find out in my new book </span></span></h3>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: red;">Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers</span></i></span></h3>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">to be released later this month</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7xnbglF6FN_U-iOeWsVBMdMsOwlnM62UFIV7umesyQ5Kc5TxHOaiTja3bgILyOpuinrnklX9p6rb-LJyFv8BeIxBLb2MEqqT0V4UeBW8kQscZg1-f7gkHW9aPQprAAfbnbx7n4WQvYz0/s1600/!cid_390395FFB76049948047676F82C8B381@Imagimachine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7xnbglF6FN_U-iOeWsVBMdMsOwlnM62UFIV7umesyQ5Kc5TxHOaiTja3bgILyOpuinrnklX9p6rb-LJyFv8BeIxBLb2MEqqT0V4UeBW8kQscZg1-f7gkHW9aPQprAAfbnbx7n4WQvYz0/s1600/!cid_390395FFB76049948047676F82C8B381@Imagimachine.jpg" height="140" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Possible L'il Sadies in Your Neighborhood</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Once upon a time, Sadie was a little girl ... a very <i>strange </i>little girl. Now, for the first time, her story is revealed in <i>Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Part mystery, part horror, part self-help (for those who'd like to murder someone) this twisted coming-of-age story is told in Sadie's own words.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It will be released as a stand alone (novella) in two versions: R-rated=Rad and X-rated=X-tras, uncut. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For those of you with weak stomachs, this story is not as graphic as <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JOOFCLK" target="_blank">Sadie the Sadist</a>. </i>For those of you who adore gore, I apologize for the general lack of it, but in this story Sadie is just getting started.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The story will also be released as part of a boxed set, </span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Six Pack of Sleuths: Comedy Mysteries. </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">With five of my fave funny women authors: Barbara Silkstone, Sibel Hodge, Dani Amore, Helen Smith, and Anne. R. Allen.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here's a sneak peek, the opening of <i>Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers:</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Murder
One<o:p></o:p></span></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(1991)<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My study of murder began in third grade, three days
after Thanksgiving, when my father offed my mother. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You might think committing the perfect murder
requires practice, technique, thought. Daddy’s one skill is dumb luck. He’s a lousy
criminal. Sloppy. Lazy. But, because Mommy took lots of pills (diagnosed
bipolar), the cops called her death suicide.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I found her in the bathtub floating in a pool of
blood.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t think it affected me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not really.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I closed the bathroom door, went into the kitchen to
make a turkey sandwich, then I turned on the TV. Not a flat screen. Back in
1991, when I was eight years old, we had a console full of toxic tubes spewing
radiation into our living room.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes I feel like I’m back there, even though
I’m all grown up and live far, far away. I’m from New York. Not the city, Long
Island. A long strip of land in the Atlantic—takes three hours to drive from
one end to the other, changing from urban to rural until you reach the points,
Montauk and Orient. Then you fall into the ocean. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Too bad I couldn’t drive when I was eight. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our town is too far from the city to be called a
suburb and not fancy like the Hamptons. This town is blue collar, hard-working
people who provide services to the rich and famous, and a few stray farmers holding
out against developers. Our house looks pretty much like every other on Maple
Street. The lawn is tidy, the front porch neat, windows so polished birds fly
into the glass then drop dead. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I bury them in the backyard with the other bodies.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Most Sundays Mommy and I get up early and go to
church, while Daddy and my little brother stay at home. After church Mommy
makes a giganto lunch, and I help. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not today.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today we didn’t eat, because Mommy and Daddy had a
fight. (They yell a lot.) Then Mommy had a headache, and she told me to get her
pills.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now the house is quiet, like it should be.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My teacher at church says Sunday is a day of rest,
but most Sunday afternoons Mommy gives me chores: cleaning toilets, using a
toothbrush to scrub between tiles, vacuuming dead flies that get caught between
the windows and the screens.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today I don’t have to do anything, because Mommy’s
in the bathtub. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I climb onto the plush beige couch (our house is
beige; the furniture, the walls, the carpet), rest my head on a beige cushion, and
kick off my sneakers (hot pink Revs with zebra inserts—rad). Usually, I’d untie
the laces, carefully remove my shoes and arrange them side-by-side on the mat by
the front door, the way Mommy taught me, but now I let them tumble from my feet
and land where they will.<i> </i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I take a bite of sandwich, set it on my stomach.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mommy would tell me to use a plate, call me a slob
like Daddy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Donnie, my little brother, comes into the living
room, carrying his kitten and practically strangling it. He grins at me,
displaying the gap in his front teeth. He’s still wearing pajamas, and a smudge of grape jelly stains the bright green brontosaurus on his chest. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Is Mommy taking a nap?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Uh-huh.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“She’s not in her bed.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“In the bathroom. Don’t go in there.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The kitten squirms in Donnie’s arms, revealing its
tiny balls. I guess I should call it a <i>him.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“What you want Santa to bring you, Sadie?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A
chainsaw, like Daddy’s.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I don’t know.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I want a Cabbage Patch Birthday Kid with brown hair,”
Donnie says.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Boys don’t get dolls.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Why not?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“They just don’t, dummy.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Donnie sticks his thumb between his lips and sucks.
If Mommy were around she’d tell him to take that thing out of his mouth, tell
him she was gonna smear his thumb with mustard and eat it like a hotdog.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I want a red BMX bike,” I say.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Donnie stops sucking his thumb long enough to say, “That’s
<i>really </i>dumb.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Not as dumb as you.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I grab the remote and amp up the TV’s volume, so I
can hear the evil king, Zarkon, ruler of the planet Doom, vowing to destroy
Voltron’s lion robots.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The kitten escapes Donnie’s stranglehold, hops onto
the couch, and sniffs my turkey sandwich. I run my fingers down its back, think
about snipping off its little balls. Mommy said they have to be removed, so the
cat won’t spray. She said big cats squirt this stinky stuff to mark their
territory. I’d like to mark my territory and make this couch off limits to
Donnie. (He just wiped a glob of snot on the seat cushion.) How long does it
takes to drown a cat? Less time, I bet, than it would take to drown my baby
brother. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“What show is this?” he asks. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“<i>Voltron:
Defender of the Universe</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Could we watch <i>Sesame
Street?” </i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“No.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Why not?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Chill.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I’m hungry.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hand him half of my sandwich, my eyes glued to
Princess Allura.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Donnie bites into the bread, spits out the meat.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I don’t want dead bird. I want PBJ.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even at age five, my brother is sensitive.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“We’re out of jelly.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Where’s Daddy?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“In the basement.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“What’s he doing?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“How should I know?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Daddy spends hours in the basement working on stuff
he calls <i>projects</i>. He doesn’t like to
be disturbed. The basement door is next to the kitchen, and I can see it from
the couch. Closed and locked. One time Muffy followed Daddy downstairs and
never came back. Muffy was our Yorkshire Terrier. Donnie and I are forbidden to
enter the basement, except when Daddy makes us go down there for punishment,
and we have to sit in the chair. In our house, the basement is the only door
that locks.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I’m gonna wake up Mommy,” Donnie announces.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Before I can stop him, he scrambles down the hall
past the kitchen, past the door leading to the basement, the feet of his footed
pajamas catching on the carpet. He stops at the bathroom door.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Don’t go in there, Donnie.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Why?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His small hand reaches for the knob.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Cause I said so.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Muffin (named after Muffy) meows. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(<b>Note:</b>
for the sake of clarity, henceforward, I’ll refer to them as Kitty Muffin and
Doggie Muffy.) <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I click off the TV, watch the picture fade.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I want Mommy,” Donnie whines. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Plump tears roll down his chubby cheeks. Pretty soon,
he’ll wet his pants.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hop off the couch, crumbs from my sandwich falling
on the carpet, and get to the bathroom door as Donnie shoves it open.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The woman in the bathtub doesn’t look like Mommy.
She’s sort of floating and her face is bloated, greenish like the mask that big
kid across the street (I think his name is Jason) wore for Halloween. Mommy’s
hair is a tangled mess and her makeup is blotchy. <i>She stinks</i>. Bloody water overspills the tub, leaving a pinkish
puddle on the tile. The bathmat is stained brownish red. I wonder when the
maggots will show up. I wonder if they’re inside Mommy now, writhing, twisting, turning, as they eat their way out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Donnie wails, his small fists digging into his eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I lead him away from the tub, and we back out of the
bathroom staring at what used to be Mommy, pull the door shut till the catch
clicks.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then I go to the kitchen, climb onto a stool so I
can reach the wall phone’s receiver, and call 911.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10GB6svmDR_LUUyMBe6e-FjGtCKuML-OOEArIDX_vkrD8_Vsr_caoFOmwtyZr1Cn4c4ygrev-bQWoEr0RHMIZaCwpJTYk5vE116PyzUeQe_NwbrynYkCVeD5QYuPAT4xaq6Fm8ZT3Y0Q/s1600/bloody+hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10GB6svmDR_LUUyMBe6e-FjGtCKuML-OOEArIDX_vkrD8_Vsr_caoFOmwtyZr1Cn4c4ygrev-bQWoEr0RHMIZaCwpJTYk5vE116PyzUeQe_NwbrynYkCVeD5QYuPAT4xaq6Fm8ZT3Y0Q/s1600/bloody+hands.jpg" height="66" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-62561197792057862322014-07-28T19:00:00.000-07:002014-08-01T09:25:39.501-07:00Michel Robertson Jr--5 Question InQusition<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><a href="http://mrobertsonjr.com/" target="_blank">Michael Robertson Jr</a>,
author of </span><i style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;">Transit, </span></i><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;">broke into my home
and is holding me hostage. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSbuRyUDCGp0PVp98Al4yAU_95a1FI_2yMdl4z-VFec8bZCLBSTL9vpeL_pf5BXux2TrWyA4etXALWs3-qRG8LIfafqURHanrUSuxj1tIWuvzqeufLwMZF1K0dajLtwN8OOuckm19aYaU/s1600/a07bbb67e93e0ad8956e94.L._V142412868_SY470_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSbuRyUDCGp0PVp98Al4yAU_95a1FI_2yMdl4z-VFec8bZCLBSTL9vpeL_pf5BXux2TrWyA4etXALWs3-qRG8LIfafqURHanrUSuxj1tIWuvzqeufLwMZF1K0dajLtwN8OOuckm19aYaU/s1600/a07bbb67e93e0ad8956e94.L._V142412868_SY470_.jpg" height="267" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Dangerous Psychopath</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;">While we’re hanging out (little does he know that cocktail I just gave him contains a powerful sedative—I don’t use poison, because it
taints the meat), I asked him 5 Questions ... let's see if either of us survive. </span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51+c0Be6mCL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51+c0Be6mCL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>All 4 Episodes, just $2.99</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="color: red;">Sadie: </span></span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;">First of all, psycho, how did you break in here? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <b>Hi Sadie! Thanks for leaving the window in your bedroom unlocked, it slid open with no problem. I climbed right in. Sometimes they stick…</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="color: red;">Sadie:</span><span style="color: #e06666;"> Stop yelling, and drink your cocktail. </span></span></span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;">I see you have a killer deal going (the <b>only </b>reason you're still living). You’ve just packaged all four episodes of </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Transit-Michael-Robertson-Jr-ebook/dp/B00LY9QYNS/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406556886&sr=1-3&keywords=transit" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-indent: 0in;"><i><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Transit</span></span></i></a><i style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"> </span></i><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;">together, so
readers can find them in one place. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">Michael:</span><b style="color: #e06666;"> Yes,
it’s very cool that Transit is now available as a stand-alone novel. I hope
readers will enjoy it and have some fun! More fun than the characters,
hopefully! I still feel bad for what I did to some of them. <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> Michael, you're still yelling. Do you have a hearing problem? <b>I'm going to ask you 5 Questions, and your survival depends on how you answer.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Q1: When did you first realize
that you weren’t normal? Preschool? Kindergarten? Elementary School? Or have
you not figured that out yet? In other words … when were you first drawn to
horror?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">Michael: </span><b style="color: #e06666;">When
did I realize I wasn’t normal? Wait, is it not normal to smile while the
on-screen bad guy slices up the pretty blond girl and wears her ears on a
necklace? Hmmm… Interesting. In all honesty I’ve had a fascination with horror
and the macabre ever since I was a kid. Even when I couldn’t handle it
(sleepless nights with sweat-soaked sheets, where the nightlight was never
bright enough and mornings could never come fast enough) I still loved horror
films. I don’t know why… It’s just part of me I guess. The same way Nicholas
Sparks likes to make at least one of the happy people die and cause all the
ladies to cry. Isn’t that abnormal too? <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie: </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Q2: Sounds like you're a masochist. My kind of guy. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Transit </i>begins with the end of a dream
vacation and a nightmare ride from the airport. Just wondering how you got the
idea for this story … did you get this idea while you were traveling, did you
work as a van driver, or are you just deranged? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <b>You
calling me deranged? Pot. Kettle. Black. By the way, whatever’s in the oven
smells great. <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="color: red;">Sadie</span><span style="color: #e06666;">: Thanks, a neighbor stopped by earlier.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <b>Huh ... To answer your question, yes.
I did actually get the idea for this book while traveling. In fact, the whole
opening scene of Transit is based almost exactly off a trip my wife and I took
to the Dominican Republic last fall. The flight got in very late, and it was
drizzling and cold. The shuttle stops were mostly deserted, and when ours
finally arrived and we climbed in (the only ones in the van), I couldn’t help
but think what a vulnerable position we were in, and that we were basically
trusting our lives with the stranger up front. Then my gears started turning. <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie: </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So you're married. That's too bad. But, come to think of it, that's never stopped me.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Q3: You are one HELL of a fine
writer, and unless a computer chip in English literature has been implanted (at
great cost) into your brain, I suspect you’ve been writing for some time. How
long have you been writing? What else have you written? And what are you
working on now?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <b>Actually,
I do have the chip. I’m a beta tester, so the price was FREE! There are some
side-effects though. Last night my wife asked me to call the girls in for
dinner and I went outside and accidentally screamed 12 lines from </b><i style="font-weight: bold;">Romeo and Juliet</i><b> through the
neighborhood. My neighbor’s name is Romeo. It was embarrassing.<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> I'm impressed. Can you also recite lines from MacBeth?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(Michael's nodding, but his eyes look a bit bleary.)</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <b>What? Sorry. I feel kind of weird.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> You are.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 36px;">I asked, how long have you been writing?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <b>I’ve
been writing semi-seriously to seriously for about the last five or six years.
The beginning of that time was working on a novel that will never see the light
of day, and after that I’ve released three novels (Including Transit) and a
handful of short stories and a collection. Most everything is in the horror and
suspense genre. I’m about to start a brand new book, actually. I’m still
piecing it together in my head, but it’s going to be more of a mystery, I
think, which is something I haven’t tried yet, and am looking forward to. <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hey,
is the room starting to spin?<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> Nope.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Q4: Who is this guy Dan
Dawkins who claims to be writing as<i> you</i>
under <i>his </i>name? Are you
schizophrenic? Do you suffer from multiple personality disorder. Why do you
find it necessary to write under different names and confuse your readers?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <b>Dan
is a bad man who did some very bad things. He confided in me, hoping I would
tell his tale, and I did to the best of my abilities. <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="line-height: 150%;">I’ve
actually been asked this question very frequently – Readers wanting to know
“Why Dan Dawkins” and “Is Dan a real person?” – So I ended up writing a blog
post of my own about why I used the name Dan Dawkins for some of my work. You
can read it </span></b><a href="http://mrobertsonjr.com/blog-news/2012/1/31/why-i-published-as-dan-dawkins.html"><b><span style="line-height: 150%;">here</span></b></a><b><span style="line-height: 150%;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> So you made up a phony identity to gain sympathy from unsuspecting readers? (You really are a psycho.) Have another cocktail.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Q5: I’m pretty sure you
read a lot, because you can write. If you had a chance to torture one of your
favorite authors, who would you choose? And what would be the method of
torture? (Please describe in detail.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <b>I’d
bring in Dean Koontz and ask him repeatedly why all his new books can’t be as
good as the Odd Thomas series. I’d tie him to a chair in a pitch-black room and
make him listen to the audiobook of 50 Shades of Gray over and over… only I’d
cut out all the sex scenes. <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> I'm revising what I said before. You are definitely a <b><i>sadist.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">How are you feeling? You look like you're going to pot, which is, of course, legal here in Colorado. Not that I have any, but you're about ready for this pot on my stove.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> <b>I’m starting to feel a little tired, do you mind if I
lay do—<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> Not at all. Are you into power tools ... I think he's out. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static.squarespace.com/static/51c36adae4b011cb373bc5fd/51c5bffee4b0998b1b54d593/51c5c016e4b0c275d0a8b90a/1371914264350/michael_robertson_02032012-208.jpg?format=750w" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://static.squarespace.com/static/51c36adae4b011cb373bc5fd/51c5bffee4b0998b1b54d593/51c5c016e4b0c275d0a8b90a/1371914264350/michael_robertson_02032012-208.jpg?format=750w" height="400" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-size: small;"><b>DO NOT ACCEPT A RIDE FROM HIM</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 24px; text-indent: 0in;">If you're still reading this, you're obviously sick, so you'll want to check out more from Michael. Contact him:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><a href="http://mrobertsonjr.com/" target="_blank">Website</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><a href="https://twitter.com/mrobertsonjr" target="_blank">Twitter</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/mrobertsonjr" target="_blank">Facebook</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Michael-Robertson-Jr/e/B006NB4K9W" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michael Robertson JR Amazon Author Page</span></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-64039163097503466172014-07-11T21:12:00.002-07:002014-08-24T19:21:27.716-07:00Advice from Sadie: 10 Signs Someone is a Lowlife Liar<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>I'm working on a new book:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><u>Sadie's Guide to Catching Killers</u></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>(A Sadie Novella)</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Prequel to </b><b><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JOOFCLK" target="_blank">Sadie the Sadist</a></i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfYEZJ7q3aXpx7jgd9tLYFRLnOQOJOfvqSkBwhiIgeI_TSsKS8KvJVxSXZuWojaFIO7Qbo1vGaf_-jiDhPsS_pFKDNJBLERWv3os_d-2DCKJAposLzrTcQsgp3DfLP9mmQjc-OvJR2JFg/s1600/images+(31).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfYEZJ7q3aXpx7jgd9tLYFRLnOQOJOfvqSkBwhiIgeI_TSsKS8KvJVxSXZuWojaFIO7Qbo1vGaf_-jiDhPsS_pFKDNJBLERWv3os_d-2DCKJAposLzrTcQsgp3DfLP9mmQjc-OvJR2JFg/s1600/images+(31).jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The story will explore how Sadie becomes the girl we know and love. And it will include helpful advice like:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">10
Signs Someone is a Low-Life Liar<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They say it takes one to know one. Guess that’s why I’ve
become good at detecting when someone is a lying slime bag. Here are a few tips
I’ve picked up over the years. (Too bad I didn’t know this stuff when I was a
kid. Might have saved me a lot of trouble.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Note:</span></i></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">
You may also find this information useful if, like me, you’re working to
improve your dissimulation skills.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj-v8nXfUGtlFeqGhqJXNj10p543DQf-y-R5VST04AcL6nCR_qiO7DM_PoBFDs-5R_eWSQHPM-kl8OsN8FsF0cL9AD_n7qodkheVwSCNDfSNnIdplBjiolDanoA9l_a81AFUdNxWdGKz0/s1600/images+(32).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj-v8nXfUGtlFeqGhqJXNj10p543DQf-y-R5VST04AcL6nCR_qiO7DM_PoBFDs-5R_eWSQHPM-kl8OsN8FsF0cL9AD_n7qodkheVwSCNDfSNnIdplBjiolDanoA9l_a81AFUdNxWdGKz0/s1600/images+(32).jpg" height="285" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">1. </span></span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666;">You
ask a question, and the liar </span><span style="color: red;">repeats your question using </span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">your </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">exact words</i></span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">, giving himself more time to concoct his story. For example, I ask my father: <i>Did you kill my mother?</i> He says:</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><i style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Did I kill </i><i style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">your mother? </i><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">(Thinking,
thinking, thinking.) </span><i style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">No, Sadie. I did <b>not</b> kill
your mother. </i><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">(Zero points for creativity, Dad.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666; line-height: 150%;"><span style="line-height: normal;"> 2. </span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666;">Notice
the use of </span><i style="color: #e06666;">did not </i><span style="color: #e06666;">instead of didn’t,
giving the denial extra emphasis</span><i style="color: #e06666;">. </i><span style="color: #e06666;">That’s
called </span><span style="color: red;">non-contracted denial</span><span style="color: #e06666;">, another clue that my father is a lying scumbag. My rule
of thumb: No </span></span></span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Contractions=Contradictions=</span><b style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">BS</b><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%; text-indent: -0.25in;">.</span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666; line-height: 150%;"> 3.<span style="line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666;">If
you confront the dirty dog with what you believe may be a lie and he</span><span style="color: red;"> starts panting
heavily or his breathing gets shallow</span><span style="color: #e06666;">, don’t trust him as far as you can throw
a stick. (Sweating doesn’t prove he’s lying. He may just be nervous or forgot
his antiperspirant.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666; line-height: 150%;"> 4.<span style="line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666;">Liars
frequently use </span><span style="color: red;">euphemisms</span><span style="color: #e06666;">, filtering harsh reality through a soft focus lens. I
would never </span><i style="color: #e06666;">hurt</i><span style="color: #e06666;"> your mother (a
gentler word than </span><i style="color: #e06666;">kill</i><span style="color: #e06666;">); I </span><i style="color: #e06666;">borrowed </i><span style="color: #e06666;">(embezzled) the money; I think you
may belong in a correctional facility, Daddy Dearest (</span><b style="color: #e06666;">MAY YOU ROT IN HELL, SCUM BUCKET).</b><span style="color: #e06666;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666; line-height: 150%;"> 5.<span style="line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red;">Constant
eye contact</span><span style="color: #e06666;"> can be a sign of lying, especially if it’s unblinking. A person
speaking the truth looks away about 60% of the time. Do snakes blink?
Absolutely not. I recall only one instance when an honest person didn’t blink
at me. His eyelids had been removed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> 6.</span><span style="line-height: normal;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span><span style="color: red;">A l</span></span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red;">iar repeat words or phrases</span><span style="color: #e06666;">, not because he doesn’t remember what he said—because he's trying to convince you that he's telling the truth. Or maybe, trying to convince himself. My advice:
err on the side of caution—if someone repeats himself, chances are it’s not due to Alzheimer’s.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666; line-height: 150%;"> 7.<span style="line-height: normal;"> A liar</span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> provides </span><span style="color: red;">too much information</span><span style="color: #e06666;">. Instead of getting to the point, he tells the cops all about the hoagie he got from Monty’s Deli—roast beef, cheddar,
onions, tomatoes, lettuce, hold the pickles, heavy on mayo and mustard. This is
an attempt to appear open and honest, when anyone with half a brain can tell he's full of it. (Not just the hoagie.) <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666; line-height: 150%;"> 8.<span style="line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: red;">Feet </span><span style="color: #e06666;">offer telltale signs of lying. A liar may
shuffle his feet, exposing a desire to escape. Or his feet may point toward the
door, another indication that he would like to make an exit. If you want to
sniff out liars, a shoe fetish can be helpful. Personally, I prefer high
performance sneakers for accelerated lying and fast getaways.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666; line-height: 150%;"> 9.<span style="line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666;">When
a person puts his hand over his mouth, yeah he could be yawning, but chances are there’s something he doesn’t
want to tell you. Instinctively </span><span style="color: red;">covering vulnerable body parts</span><span style="color: #e06666;"> like the neck, stomach, or my personal fave, the penis, is a sure sign of lying (or possibly a need to use the men's room), so if you want to appear truthful expose yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666; line-height: 150%;"> 10.</span><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666;">My
number one way to determine if a person is lying is to </span><span style="color: red;">pay attention to gut feelings</span><span style="color: #e06666;">. You could say I'm hungry for the truth, and liars really rev my appetite. Lie to me, and you could show up on my menu. I find that to be a good deterrent.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 36px;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 36px;"> Okay, Sadie, you may be saying, I've determined so-and-so is a liar ... how do I secure a confession?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 36px;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 36px;"> Good question.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I recommend
torture</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">. (For preferred methods, please check out my book, </span><i style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JOOFCLK" target="_blank">Sadie the Sadist</a>.)</i></span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl7zvmKsh94woqR79xaXQ6Df1vxpwe3Q_5E8jBecb8xB5hDAKBqjibNLhvsDvLh1O31PtPICqyUhxiZu7Q6VgRqSZ3gCWZ7J1XB5XQrTkR0NzONZuPZDby1v8swHnwOse9cLsARGYAUbk/s1600/NZ8f9-e1315461777788.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl7zvmKsh94woqR79xaXQ6Df1vxpwe3Q_5E8jBecb8xB5hDAKBqjibNLhvsDvLh1O31PtPICqyUhxiZu7Q6VgRqSZ3gCWZ7J1XB5XQrTkR0NzONZuPZDby1v8swHnwOse9cLsARGYAUbk/s1600/NZ8f9-e1315461777788.jpg" height="400" width="272" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Daddy's Favorite Chair</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie Says: Torture is the spice of life! (and death)</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-29166724535265438302014-07-01T16:27:00.003-07:002014-07-01T18:29:42.243-07:00Win a Kindle Fire!!!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Sadie's Celebrating the 4th </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>with a </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaQtmzUqJgV2gu4UhAITuWRmN47hnalF6uy8Cd2rrt94ZjHqM-b42E_qQFsQD3RzYV55GthufrUkeDN8ZQKwTiCzcLiYtBSQXVQupUvU_Olxw_ShxDFBadqG8-0n-qORLz6dl2Bg0wV8c/s1600/download+(8).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaQtmzUqJgV2gu4UhAITuWRmN47hnalF6uy8Cd2rrt94ZjHqM-b42E_qQFsQD3RzYV55GthufrUkeDN8ZQKwTiCzcLiYtBSQXVQupUvU_Olxw_ShxDFBadqG8-0n-qORLz6dl2Bg0wV8c/s1600/download+(8).jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>(condom not required to enter)</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Win a Kindle Fire</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: large;">from the Kindle Book Review</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: large;">and participating authors</span><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://www.thekindlebookreview.net/july-kindle-fire-giveaway/" target="_blank">enter here</a></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIoFTRzbJEDlvFzSFcVVcC4DsTLdqPtdpR9HEjAmidxYI08eQ5KAB_mYocuWJjxmyH1WNUPiCMtrcO7NkW9U2zTCG6SVuMQJSg3_mmCAdnHtCrTGycz8-nbRY0hvogNUHqptXDZqID5tw/s1600/KindleFireGiveawayBIG6-300x267.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIoFTRzbJEDlvFzSFcVVcC4DsTLdqPtdpR9HEjAmidxYI08eQ5KAB_mYocuWJjxmyH1WNUPiCMtrcO7NkW9U2zTCG6SVuMQJSg3_mmCAdnHtCrTGycz8-nbRY0hvogNUHqptXDZqID5tw/s1600/KindleFireGiveawayBIG6-300x267.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: blue;">WHEN:</span> <span style="color: red;">July 1-7</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: blue;">GRAND PRIZE:</span> <span style="color: red;">A 7" Kindle Fire HD</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: blue;">Second Prize:</span> <span style="color: red;">$100 Amazon Gift Card</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: blue;">Third Prize</span><span style="color: red;">:</span> <span style="color: red;">$100 Amazon Gift Card</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>You just have to LIKE and FOLLOW</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>easy</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>find out more</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>at</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://www.thekindlebookreview.net/july-kindle-fire-giveaway/" target="_blank">The Kindle Book Review</a></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>(See the Rafflecopter Entry at the Bottom of This Blog)</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Sadie Says: 7 inches of HOT FUN could be yours</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-1181033963322673972014-06-24T10:55:00.000-07:002014-06-27T10:48:03.160-07:00Jayne Just Watches--an excerpt<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: start;">
<span style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Today is my favorite kind of day ... I don't have to be anywhere, so I can write. Later, I'll probably ride my bike around. </span></span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6cH24JQHE7YRf0IAW0Z4gqCy5sWDrOiDDtpeLzAocMNGaBarAJ6i4mgicharBMDNneaETWlozePcSP1jb67hZIz-uxJwg5B1bIfmXekBQB6-aJ2KXh3ILiNy3KcDaoReQvuXKzquEmw/s1600/images+(28).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY6cH24JQHE7YRf0IAW0Z4gqCy5sWDrOiDDtpeLzAocMNGaBarAJ6i4mgicharBMDNneaETWlozePcSP1jb67hZIz-uxJwg5B1bIfmXekBQB6-aJ2KXh3ILiNy3KcDaoReQvuXKzquEmw/s1600/images+(28).jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Not my bike, but I like it</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: start;">
<span style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here's a short excerpt from the novel I'm working on, <i>Jayne Just Watches:</i></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold; line-height: 150%; text-align: center;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: start;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold; line-height: 150%; text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
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<b><u><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Chapter One: Just
Jayne</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b><u><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I’m dead.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Trapped inside this body—walking, talking, eating,
sleeping—so you might assume I’m alive, but I’m not. My heart stopped beating
several years ago. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Even though I’m dead, there are two things I like to
do: oil painting and visiting the cemetery. Also, I love sleeping … guess
that’s three. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You ever have the feeling that you’re dreaming when
you’re awake? Like you’re moving through water, the air feels heavy, sounds
seem distant. Maybe you’re shopping, or walking along a sidewalk, or working,
when you notice you’re not really there. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That’s how it feels to be dead.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">At night, when I lie down, you may think I’m
sleeping, but I’m really traveling through other realms. It’s almost like
dreaming, but more intense. That’s when I feel almost alive. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">See that maple tree out in the courtyard?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What color are the leaves? </span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You’ll probably say green,
but I see gray. Most things in my world are gray, mixtures of black and white,
some lighter, some darker. Gray is neutral, achromatic, so it refracts
light without dispersing. It’s not really a color. The only color I perceive is red.
No blue. No yellow. Just shades of red. It’s a rare condition called Tritanopia,
brought on by trauma to the head and exacerbated by anxiety.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But when I’m traveling (you would call it dreaming) I
see spectrums of color you’ve never imagined. If I were dreaming now, the
leaves on that maple tree would be a thousand variations of green. The
underlying leaves gloomy and bluish, others dappled yellow by the sun, some
tender green as baby shoots, and others as ghostly as the moon. If I were dreaming,
chocolate shadows would play along the tree's trunk, and sunlight would break
through the branches, painting the bark silver.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But now, sitting on my balcony and painting (as I often do), all I
see is gray.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My condominium is like a treehouse. My apartment is
on the second story and the balcony parallels the branches of the maple tree. Beyond the maple, there’s a stand of aspen,
a blue spruce, two pinion pines, and a crabapple tree on the edge of the play area--swings, a sandbox, slide and jungle gym. My balcony shares
a common wall and railing with the neighboring condo. That apartment has been
vacant for a while, ever since the Navajo family (who never said hello)
departed last March. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I spend a lot of time out here, watching my
neighbors as they come and go down in the courtyard. The complex houses college
students, several artists and writers, a few retirees, and a number of young families.
That strange woman, Sadie, lives directly across from me—one of the few
residents I know by name, only because she introduced herself. Through the maple
leaves, I see her dragging a heavy bag of garbage down the stairway of her
condo. She glances in my direction, and I duck behind the canvas I’ve set on my
easel.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She waves, calls out, “Hi, Jayne. How’s it hangin’?”
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When I peek around the canvas, she grins. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Her lipstick is as red as blood, so is her hair.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She yells across the courtyard, “Killer day!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Using a pallet knife (dull edges so it can't do any damage), I mix black paint into
the gray and pretend I don’t hear her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Today’s stark sun and barren sky depress me. I
prefer the soft focus of overcast, clouds brooding over the mountains, thunder
rumbling through the valley. Give me the ozone scent of rain, a downpour pelleting
the roof, mist rising from the pavement and engulfing the courtyard.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Shielding my eyes from the sun’s glare, I watch
Sadie maneuver a trash bag along the walkway that encircles the courtyard. The
bag oozes something reddish, deposits wet markings on the cement. She lugs it to
the parking lot and disappears from view behind the building, no doubt headed
to the dumpster. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She goes there a lot.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I pull my explorer telescope out of the pocket of my skirt, point the lens at her picture window. Can't see a thing, except drawn </span></span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%;">curtains. Last night I watched Sadie and this college kid going at it, but I never saw him leave. </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This complex is fairly small and a bit
old-fashioned, which I like. Sixteen two-story buildings surround the courtyard,
four condominiums in each building. The structures are made of wood (rather
than cement like the new ones they built down the road), paint flaking on the
sides exposed to the sun. The lights, set at corners of the courtyard, are Victorian
in style—globes reminiscent of gaslight. Wisteria overhangs the common area
which houses mail boxes, a picnic table, and several plastic chairs. Victorian
houses abound in this town, built in the late 1800's when people rushed to
Colorado hoping to make fortunes mining gold and silver. The Denver & Rio
Grande Railway lay narrow gauge tracks that climb through treacherous mountain
passes from here to the old mining town of Silverton. The steam engine still
runs, but these days it carries tourists. </span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I’m into steampunk, so the town suits
me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I design book covers (steampunk, horror, vampire,
zombie apocalypse) for indie authors I meet on Facebook and Twitter. The covers
provide me with enough income to scrape by—along with the meager trust my
parents left me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">They died in the accident fourteen years ago, so did
Lexi. Me too, but they brought me back to life … anyway, that’s what the doctors said. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">On my next birthday, ten days from now when I turn twenty-six,
I’ll come into my full inheritance. Growing up, Aunt Elizabeth always told me
it’s substantial. She says I’m a lucky girl.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lucky
stiff. <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">LOL.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I’d rather have my family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What am I working on?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When you look at this canvas, what do you see? Wisps
of gray, some flickering with light, others shadowy, some mysteriously black.
If you stare at the painting long enough, images appear ….<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">See that shimmer rippling through the painting?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Nothing in this world is solid, even if it appears
concrete. Our bodies contain more space than matter. According to scientific
findings, five sixths of matter is dark and invisible. Particles of dark matter
pass through our bodies all the time, colliding with our atoms. Who can say
what else passes through the collection of molecules you call you and I call
me? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">How do we know dark matter exists, if it can’t be
detected? </span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Gravitational pull.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dark matter may be invisible, but it affects things
surrounding it, sucking them in with its dark energy. Ghosts are like that too,
so are demons. You may call them by another name, but all kinds of entities
exist in space and on other planes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I feel them passing through my body, playing in my
mind.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sometimes I see them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Red eyes shining in the dark.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I paint them, so they’re apparent.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A parent, that’s funny.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">More than my parents, I miss Lexi.
She was seven. We were in the back seat of my dad’s new Lincoln … black leather
seats, snowflakes hitting the windshield, the slosh of icy water beneath the tires
as the car hit Park Avenue. It was my job to make sure my little sister buckled
up, but Lexi hated seatbelts, said they made her feel trapped. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Her death was my fault.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Did you catch that movement, at the edge of the
canvas? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The flash of red eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Demons are sneaky, appear at the periphery of your
vision, vanish when you glance directly at them. Sometimes they slip behind the
painting and poke the canvas with their fingernails. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I survived
the crash, sort of—died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, but they
managed to revive me. TBI, Traumatic Brain Injury, due to sudden impact. Doctors
claim my recovery was a miracle. No matter what they claim, I’m really dead. My
psychiatrist says I’m suffering from Cotard’s Delusion (also known as the
Walking Dead Syndrome), but how can a corpse be diagnosed? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I’m done with shrinks. I need a Coroner.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What use are doctors who want to analyze me and prescribe
pills to make me normal? Normal is a syndrome not worth suffering. I enjoy
being dead, enjoy the unique perspective. Being dead allows me to detach from
anger, pain, sadness … all those messy emotions. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I lost my heart four years ago—it stopped beating, gave
up when Jonathan left me. I met him in college. Things may have ended differently
if I had let him touch me, but dead people don’t have sex. The idea is
repulsive. Isn't it?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When he went back to Denver, my heart collapsed, left this cavity
inside my chest. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now my brain is rotting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Ever smell a rotting brain? Think chicken guts left
in the trunk of a car for a week, dead rats decomposing in the walls of your house,
putrefying poopy diapers forgotten in the garbage. The stink lingers, gets
inside your nostrils, your clothing, your hair, your mind. When your brain’s
decaying in your skull, it’s impossible to ignore the stench. I've tried
everything: dog shampoo designed to eliminate odors, essential oils, breathing
through my mouth. I can taste the stink. </span></span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 150%;">Vic’s Vapor Rub on my upper lip works best. (That’s
what cops use.)</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I get these headaches, throbbing pain inside the
black hole of my skull.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Speaking of black holes, they’re not really empty space.
Quite the opposite. According to NASA, black holes are extremely condensed
matter. NASA says, “Think of a star ten times more massive than the Sun
squeezed into a sphere approximately the diameter of New York City.” This
creates a gravitational pull so intense that nothing can escape, not even
light. Black holes are the vampires of the universe, sucking energy out of
nearby stars and destroying them. The problem is, black holes are invisible and
you won’t know you’re near one, until it’s devoured you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That’s what happened to me. A black hole sucked the
energy right out of me, and now I’m stuck with this body.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You may be saying, “If you’re dead, why don’t you commit
suicide?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There’s no
point in committing suicide if you’re already dead. I’m an illusion, a specter.
I don’t really exist. Experience is subjective, perceived through the muddy
filters of our psyches. Reality is a consensus of opinion, a group delusion.
Trust only mathematics, the laws of physics and chemistry. Above all else, don’t
trust yourself or other people. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That's what Aunt Elizabeth taught me.</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Especially, never trust a man.</span></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-75203751204788196602014-06-18T21:12:00.000-07:002014-07-29T07:00:05.931-07:00Killer Robots<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Robots on the Rise!</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">These days, whether you realize it or not, most people work with robots. Make no mistake about it, your boss is comparing your performance to your potential robot replacement ... and, chances are, you lose!</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3py97SDH29TDSk5ETA74KwNtOD9CS2ZYdyxrGsAIqJ91AMy_AnRdT0GguypH9WWe7tBcJ9rtps7XRxOY5RmAtmV8xoFAe7CNVhjnByXcPF-0pwVuaWLAiUD73nxBh-7w6kUAH6t95Vqs/s1600/Baxter-The-Evolutionary-Robot-That-Learns-From-Humans-650x406.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3py97SDH29TDSk5ETA74KwNtOD9CS2ZYdyxrGsAIqJ91AMy_AnRdT0GguypH9WWe7tBcJ9rtps7XRxOY5RmAtmV8xoFAe7CNVhjnByXcPF-0pwVuaWLAiUD73nxBh-7w6kUAH6t95Vqs/s1600/Baxter-The-Evolutionary-Robot-That-Learns-From-Humans-650x406.jpg" height="248" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Baxter the Trainable Robot<br /><br /><b>(He looks cute, but he wants your job)</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In fact, you may be expected to train your replacement. Rethink Robotics has recently unleashed <a href="http://www.rethinkrobotics.com/products/baxter/" target="_blank">Baxter</a> a trainable robot. Baxter is affordable (just $25,000 plus warranty) and he can perform tasks at twice the speed of you or me. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(Personally, I can't wait to get a Baxter Robot Butler.)</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9jvv0ARevoRW-VsZJnzsj2teQ325n3NUfVGJwu80nW4lhkjG_9Sl1MLi56UHbHXcUcthi4pKHz4HMD4OykQypFoSGAn-_fWpMaolsmRjwUatqtoLDocwXBtuBIxbThPnsXRiupHUuRa4/s1600/download+(5).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9jvv0ARevoRW-VsZJnzsj2teQ325n3NUfVGJwu80nW4lhkjG_9Sl1MLi56UHbHXcUcthi4pKHz4HMD4OykQypFoSGAn-_fWpMaolsmRjwUatqtoLDocwXBtuBIxbThPnsXRiupHUuRa4/s1600/download+(5).jpg" height="400" width="293" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">My Baxter Robot Butler</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As wages rise, you can bet employers are thinking about how fast they can replace you with Baxter or Baxterette. According to a <a href="http://www.oxfordmartin.ox.ac.uk/downloads/academic/The_Future_of_Employment.pdf" target="_blank">recent study </a>at Oxford University, here's a list of jobs you can kiss good-bye:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGf6zJGLy8K07nz6VxJDFGAX7fppXLjbW2IBE1oVdjSycbsQqNfAElsCREUN5VtovozOPNuSo_Oc0MVLERudf3W1zJOXuUR6aPxoR6bo3i_vYNSX8rWFCM0-B3TvafWIfEdCR6GL3nf00/s1600/table1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGf6zJGLy8K07nz6VxJDFGAX7fppXLjbW2IBE1oVdjSycbsQqNfAElsCREUN5VtovozOPNuSo_Oc0MVLERudf3W1zJOXuUR6aPxoR6bo3i_vYNSX8rWFCM0-B3TvafWIfEdCR6GL3nf00/s1600/table1.png" height="260" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Read more in the article, <i><a href="http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/your-new-fast-food-worker-a-robot/" target="_blank">The Shift from Low-Wage Worker to Robot Worker.</a></i></span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Have you heard about the restaurant in China that's operated by robots? Watch this video (oh, yeah, it's in Chinese):</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/kUXOrTqYvdg?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Even if you manage to keep your job, don't imagine you're home free. The <i>New York Times </i>just ran an article about killer robots in the workplace. Read <i><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/17/upshot/danger-robots-working.html?_r=0" target="_blank">As Robotics Advances, Worries of Killer Robots Rise.</a> </i>Over the past 30 years, robots have been responsible for 33 human deaths. That is bound to increase as we bring more robots into the workplace and give those robots more freedom to roam. </span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I just wonder, with so many people's jobs being replaced by robots, who's going to have money to buy the stuff these robots make? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here's Baxter's buddy playing your swan song.</span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Sadie Says: Don't delay, download your brain into Baxter NOW!</b></span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-83994523624495900952014-06-17T07:32:00.001-07:002014-06-17T07:32:49.710-07:00Sadie's latest victim (the winner of her machete) is ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Michelle Willms </b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>(certified psycho)</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sadie wants to thank everyone who entered the Summer Splash Blog Hop, and you're all invited over for a big pot of chili! Yum!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The drawing was random, based on your entries, but Michelle obviously has excellent plans for the machete. Here's why she wants it:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I would LOVE to have that machete. I would carry that
machete as I dreamed of all the wonderful heads that could roll (fictional
heads, of course). I would only chop vegetable or dead protein matter, but I
have a VERY vivid imagination. Oh, the frustration I could work off. I think
the machete would be a great tension reliever, don't you? What a great
conversation piece. "I have a machete."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Yes, Michelle, it's hard to describe the joy that comes from saying, "I have a machete." Soon you'll know.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Three runners-up will receive a copy of <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JOOFCLK" target="_blank">Sadie the Sadist: X-tremely Black Humor/Horror</a>. </i>(If they dare to read the book.)</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Wanna-be Psychos:</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Suzanne</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I think the machete would look great in a shadow box in my
woman cave. So when my husband bugs me, I cut off his nose hairs!"</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Jeff Balanger</b></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Don't own fire arms, zombie apocalypse and the practical use clear brush to find baseballs that go into the woods."</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Nancy Wolfe</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I just think the machete looks tough!"</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">See you next time. </span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Till then, Sadie Says: Have fun!</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274183858973228134.post-35008299055875523602014-06-15T07:17:00.000-07:002014-06-15T07:17:55.823-07:00<div class="post hentry uncustomized-post-template" itemprop="blogPost" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="http://schema.org/BlogPosting" style="background-color: black; color: #ff7474; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.600000381469727px; min-height: 0px; position: relative;">
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; position: relative;">
Summer Splash Blog Hop</h3>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">Hit the Beach with Sadie and her cohorts!</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Hop around to all the blogs and win </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">KILLER PRIZES</span></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy3zW0HDXNGk9l79NQb-0uPffvXL-ZClOtClsuuK6E8L1wschVh4oL8r4nztc4OyaerRIuWFsJqC9UVTiodm-w7VtwrHfmsQ6SDsLS4-zDE2iZa-uJza-tuMFUTZd8PWSEz_oRA1homc8/s1600/blog-hop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #999999; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy3zW0HDXNGk9l79NQb-0uPffvXL-ZClOtClsuuK6E8L1wschVh4oL8r4nztc4OyaerRIuWFsJqC9UVTiodm-w7VtwrHfmsQ6SDsLS4-zDE2iZa-uJza-tuMFUTZd8PWSEz_oRA1homc8/s1600/blog-hop.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid transparent; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b><span style="color: red;">I'm giving away:</span> </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b><b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Tramontina-Brazilian-Machete/dp/B00367P3TC/ref=sr_1_24?ie=UTF8&qid=1400167229&sr=8-24&keywords=machetes" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">A</span><span style="color: red;"> Tramontina Brazilian Machete</span></a></b></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">And an ecopy of <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JOOFCLK" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Sadie the Sadist</a></i>: </span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">X-tremely Black Humor/Horror (18+)</span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">, so you know what to do with the machete. 3 Runners-up will also receive an ebook.</span><br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0KDYOSMjk0bQGqlDJrovTNbZRwObCJMiUwHxfsR88TTNxrtPmT92plru-xuqsBYkOaD1t7L63_Lk2A1P0C7KFEAy98UKFCfIkzUr7asxqW3fSgdRK295Hkm_BI_vwNtVrt3FlQyiwilk/s1600/21p7MIqrBSL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #999999; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0KDYOSMjk0bQGqlDJrovTNbZRwObCJMiUwHxfsR88TTNxrtPmT92plru-xuqsBYkOaD1t7L63_Lk2A1P0C7KFEAy98UKFCfIkzUr7asxqW3fSgdRK295Hkm_BI_vwNtVrt3FlQyiwilk/s1600/21p7MIqrBSL.jpg" height="73" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid transparent; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b>Blood Not Included</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: bold;">(Imagine the Damage You Can Do!)</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #e06666;">Just like the machete Sadie uses to cut melons and whack off heads </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b>To win Sadie's machete:</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="color: #e06666;">1) leave a comment here, and tell her why you want it</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="color: #e06666;">(okay to post as anonymous and be as psycho as you like; I just need you to send me your email so I can contact you)</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="color: #e06666;">2) Post your email or send it to <a href="mailto:ZaneSachs@gmail.com" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">ZaneSachs at gmail dot com</a></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="color: #e06666;"><br /></b></span><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Rack up Extra Entries!!!</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Sign up for my sporadic Newsletter (<a href="mailto:ZaneSachs@gmail.com" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">email me</a>) = 1 entry</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Like my </b></span><span style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Zané Sachs <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ZaneSachs" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">FaceBook</a> Page = 1 entry</b></span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 24px;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Follow me on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/ZaneSachs" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">@ZaneSachs</a> = 1 entry</b></span></span></div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih9-jBqZG0kaYqIIiMKTSoxq-LFF-hf0JHWT06zV6EAU2ZEQH87Kz42URbT28FOLKJZQGQdlyuC65DgiFa_PoEfQl7MyLIrVVGLrt4qFmDfRofevg1deNV-YHzSEjlcO5CXA_8JTVTOg0/s1600/10252046_10203612375895114_7691727715037154394_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #999999; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih9-jBqZG0kaYqIIiMKTSoxq-LFF-hf0JHWT06zV6EAU2ZEQH87Kz42URbT28FOLKJZQGQdlyuC65DgiFa_PoEfQl7MyLIrVVGLrt4qFmDfRofevg1deNV-YHzSEjlcO5CXA_8JTVTOg0/s1600/10252046_10203612375895114_7691727715037154394_n.jpg" height="268" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid transparent; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b>Empty Seats of Your Latest Victims</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Killer</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Grand Prizes:</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b>Kindle Paperwhite</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b>$50 Amazon Gift Card</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b><span style="color: magenta;">eBooks and Paperbacks</span><span style="color: yellow;"> </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b>cool swag from participating authors</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<b style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"> 1) <a href="http://summersplashhop.blogspot.com/" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Register</a></b><br />
<b style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"> 2) Hop Around</b></div>
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<b style="color: #e06666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">3) Share </b></div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06214097798361400387" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Maggie Steele</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 4:44 AM</a></span></div>
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I don't think there is a reason to NOT want Sadie's machete. It's a freaking machete. I would carry it around the house while saying "Machete don't text" in my best Danny Trejo impression. Really, I would. (I follow on FB, twitter, and newletter)</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 6:13 AM</a></span></div>
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Maggie, you rock! I think it's soooo important to tell your machete not to text while walking around the house, or you could have a bad accident and slice off the head of your cat.</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06214097798361400387" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Maggie Steele</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 14, 2014 at 6:50 AM</a></span></div>
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How did you know I have a cat? Are you the reason the streetlight by my house is out? Are you stalking me? If so, how did you miss the two big dogs?</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 14, 2014 at 9:00 AM</a></span></div>
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Sorry about the dogs, Maggie. They won't bother you again.</div>
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I just think the machete looks tough!</div>
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You bet it's tough, Nancy. Would Sadie carry a wimpy machete? (Answer: No!!!)</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10668919431444715614" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Michelle Willms</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 9:27 AM</a></span></div>
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I would LOVE to have that machete. I would carry that machete as I dreamed of all the wonderful heads that could roll (fictional heads, of course). I would only chop vegetable or dead protein matter, but I have a VERY vivid imagination. Oh, the frustration I could work off. I think the machete would be a great tension reliever, don't you? What a great conversation piece. "I have a machete." michelle_willms at yahoo dot com</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 9:36 AM</a></span></div>
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I absolutely agree, Michelle, whacking heads with a machete is extremely relaxing and therapeutic ... it's one of Sadie's favorite pastimes!</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08135220222156274040" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Kristen @ Pretty Little Pages</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 9:33 AM</a></span></div>
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Wow! Living in the middle of nowhere, I would definitely get some use out of that machete. And it just looks bad ass!<br /><br />Followed on Twitter, liked your Facebook, and I'm already subscribed to your newsletter! (It's how I heard about the hop. Thanks!)</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 9:54 AM</a></span></div>
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Kristen, you are entered! But if you live in the middle of nowhere, how will you find victims?</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;">Anonymous</cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 9:44 AM</a></span></div>
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I have to disqualify myself because I already have a killing-people machete. But if this is watermelon machete, I'd like to be considered. Summer and all.</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 9:58 AM</a></span></div>
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Dear Anonymous, I'm afraid (very afraid, in fact) that you're disqualified, because this machete can be used for BOTH purposes. Also, you're anonymous ,,, so how would I send you the machete? Huh?</div>
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NOTE: I don't want to scare off other people who want to post anonymously; you're welcome to, and be as psycho as you like (just send me your email, so I can contact you). BTW, I know exactly who this Mr. Anonymous is (a good friend and certified psycho) ... he already has plenty of knives!</div>
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What a great giveaway with amazing Authors. Thank you for the chance to win. Sadie's machete would be great to have to add to my knife and swords collection that I have. I keep a few in each room incase of emergency :) Thank you, Vicky slayer_vicky@yahoo.com</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 10:05 AM</a></span></div>
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Okay, Vicky Slayer, even though you posted as Anonymous, you included your email, so you're in! (You might want to up your chances by following me on twitter, and all that other stuff I mention), because I can tell you'll find some great uses for the machete, Sadie says: Consider keeping it under your bed.</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/07740346390252507193" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">smiles</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 10:50 AM</a></span></div>
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Hi Zane! I'd put the machete to good use. Not that I'd hurt anyone or anything physically...but it's so much more fun to mess with someone's brain! I'm pet sitting for another month, for an ex that I *really* dislike. Love the dog, just not the owner. It'd be sooo much fun to post photos of me with a machete near the dog and see how he'd react. It'd be like a psychological experiment!! Plus, the guy is Brazilian, so if things get worse between us, I may need a Brazilian machete.<br /><br />Also, I live alone in a big city. Imagine how much of a deterrent carrying a machete around would be to would-be muggers, or the more-than-occasional person on the street trying to get you to give them money (I'm looking at you, Greenpeace). I mean, sure, walking around with my ear buds in seems to work fairly well for discouraging talking, but I don't think it'd help me if someone came at me.<br /><br />It's all about justice for me. Not necessarily to get justice for everyone else, but there's a butterfly effect possibility. I save myself from something of a nuisance, and in turn it'll save the next person.<br /><br />Plus, it'd make for a badass decoration in my spartan apartment :)</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 2:02 PM</a></span></div>
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Smiles, this is a fabulous entry, and I certainly sympathize about the Brazilian ex. Sadie's recipes may give you some tasty ideas and serve your purposes--they say Brazilian meat is excellent.<br /><br />I too have lived alone in a large city. In addition to deterring annoying people, carrying a machete might also encourage people to offer YOU money.<br /><br />Meanwhile, please send me your email address ... otherwise how will I contact you? Also, you may want to win some extra chances by following me on twitter, etc. </div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/07740346390252507193" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">smiles</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 4:10 PM</a></span></div>
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I'd sent you my email and info to your email address. Sent from cmu.smiles, around 10:30 am. It has my fb name and twitter handle, along with a request to get your newsletter. Unfortunately, spammers aren't readily accessible for meeting a machete should they snag my email. Which is a shame, since I'm sure plenty of people would be interested in touching base with them.<br /><br />(it's also in my blogger profile, if you click on smiles there will be a link, left hand side of the page)</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 7:49 PM</a></span></div>
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Okay smiles ... we'll find you! Sadie and I will bring the machete, so we can rescue you from spammers!</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/09457505103391492014" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Gina H</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 11:54 AM</a></span></div>
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Well what smart girl doesn't need a machete as an accessory? LOL! Thanks for the giveaway, gina_hester@hotmail.com</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 2:08 PM</a></span></div>
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I certainly agree, Gina. A machete is a must for any fashion conscious gal. The blade is the perfect accoutrement to those blood red, press-on nails.</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/08740375251520398656" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Bobbi Kinion</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 2:19 PM</a></span></div>
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It would look really good with my hubby's collection of machetes. Thank you for the chance. bobbischleining @ yahoo.com</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 2:25 PM</a></span></div>
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Okay, Bobbi, you're entered. A person can never have too many machetes!</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/09428723098750893149" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Sheri Kurtz</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 5:23 PM</a></span></div>
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I'm not sure why I wouldn't want to have it. Smkurtz79@yahoo.com</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 7:47 PM</a></span></div>
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Sheri, you'd have to be crazy not to want this machete!</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://authormandywhite.wordpress.com/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">mandywrite</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 6:00 PM</a></span></div>
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I need that machete. Mine is all full of brain gunk and it just doesn't shine like it used to.</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://authormandywhite.wordpress.com/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">authormandywhite</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 6:03 PM</a></span></div>
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I need that machete. Mine is all covered with brain gunk and just doesn't shine like it used to.<br />mandywrite@hotmail.com</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 13, 2014 at 7:51 PM</a></span></div>
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Mandy, I'm so sorry to hear your machete is covered with brain gunk. Sadie says she often has the same problem, but then she cuts into a watermelon and it takes that gunk right off! I see you posted twice ... sorry, I have to moderate the comments to make sure only fellow psychos get through here. You're in now!</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/02353117756424006565" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Sherry Malone</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 14, 2014 at 6:39 AM</a></span></div>
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Well....why not?!?! single50sherry@yahoo.com</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 14, 2014 at 8:59 AM</a></span></div>
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Why not indeed, Sherry. Everyone needs a machete</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;">bn100</cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 14, 2014 at 5:53 PM</a></span></div>
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to cut up watermelon<br /><br />signed up for newsletter<br /><br />bn100candg at hotmail dot com</div>
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Very practical, bn100 ... not as much fun as skulls, but just as healthy.</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/00465446051021667245" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">JC Jones</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 14, 2014 at 6:23 PM</a></span></div>
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It would go with my decor. I liked and followed also. jonesjnd (at) yahoo (dot) com</div>
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So, JC, your decor is what? Brazilian? Or do you plan to display the machete next to your whips and chains?</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/14431472622712522272" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Suzanne</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 14, 2014 at 9:17 PM</a></span></div>
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I think the machete would look great in a shadow box in my woman cave. So when my husband bugs me, I cut off his nose hairs!</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 15, 2014 at 7:09 AM</a></span></div>
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Suzanne! First of all, I'm very impressed to hear about your woman cave. So important to have that place to perform important ... rituals. However, I can't advise removing nose hairs with a machete, unless hubby happens to be an elephant.</div>
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<cite class="user" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/01264230714337787920" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Kai</a></cite><span class="icon user" style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 14, 2014 at 9:57 PM</a></span></div>
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What a cool machete... I'm already thinking watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew and pineapple.<br /><br />kmccandle(at)yahoo(dot)com</div>
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<cite class="user blog-author" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/17766877543829085627" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">Zane Sachs</a></cite><span class="icon user blog-author" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; background-repeat: no-repeat; display: inline-block; font-weight: bold; height: 18px; margin: 0px 0px -4px 6px; width: 18px;"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text" style="margin-left: 6px;"><a href="http://zanesachs-goingdown.blogspot.com/p/summer.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #999999; text-decoration: none;">June 15, 2014 at 7:12 AM</a></span></div>
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Yes Kai, fruit and machetes form an excellent partnership (that's why Sadie uses one for her work in produce, chopping things up). You might consider branching out, as Sadie does, and use the machete for whacking cartons of milk, shoppers who get in her way, and getting rid of a pesky boss.</div>
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